the one about the power of the priesthood

I cannot put into words how entirely grateful I am to have our Heavenly Father's priesthood on the earth today, but more importantly be able to utilize it. The priesthood is the authority to act in God's name. The same priesthood authority that existed in the original church established by Jesus Christ exists in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints today. The Church is directed and led through this authority.
I had an amazing experience the other day, which once again has strengthened my testimony. I have been joining the missionaries on team-ups to help prepare me for my own mission. This particular night we were teaching [this amazing girl who i just love] about the priesthood. After our lesson, one of the Elders asked me when I had received a blessing last. I told him it was probably around the time I received my mission call. He then asked if I would like one then. Now, I must say I have never been afraid to ask for blessings, but I honestly didn't think I needed one. I simply thought he wanted to show our friend the power of the priesthood, which I thought was a little improper, but I agreed to have one anyway. I can honestly say I've learned so many things by that one blessing. First off, I did need one. I'm so grateful that this Elder was in tune with the Spirit to know that I was in need of comfort. Second, the Lord will always comfort His children. Third, He knows us individually. He knows our doubts, sorrows, fears, and our deepest secrets. I had just reached my one-month mark until I report to the MTC and so many emotions were filling up inside of me. I was, and am, so excited to serve! But I was also starting to feel very inadequate, I understand "the Lord doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called" but I couldn't help but feel so unprepared to teach His Gospel. I was scared, confident, excited, nervous, hopeful, doubtful and unsure of myself all at the same time. But most of all, I was absolutely terrified of something happening to my family while I was away. I know of people who have had to go through the trial of having a loved one pass away while they were serving, and this was my greatest fear of leaving. Of course I knew this was my calling and I knew I wanted to serve but nonetheless they were present, but I was sure (am sure) every missionary feels similar feelings and so I never once mentioned them to anyone. When this Elder gave me this blessing, he first told me of how proud Heavenly Father was of me and of the decisions I have made thus far. He told me our Father was so excited for me to serve the people in Florida and that He was looking forward to seeing the success I would have and the difference I would make. He said that Heavenly Father wanted me to know that I had been preparing for this my whole life and that I was prepared for it, and that I would be able to teach the lessons with ease and to not doubt my capabilities or myself. And then he said the most amazing thing. He said that I need not worry about my family while being away, because they would be protected and blessed for my decision to serve, that no harm would come to them and that this would strengthen each of them more than I could comprehend and it would be the greatest blessing that has come to our family. Of course I was crying, and couldn't believe our Father in Heaven had answered every single doubt. Who am I to doubt Him or His power? I was able to bear testimony of what had just happened to our friend and afterwards she received a beautiful blessing that also touched her just as strongly. I know that the power of the priesthood is real. Although, he could've felt similar feelings before his own mission, this Elder had no idea about my feelings toward my family at that time. It is only by the power of God that he could've given me the most perfect blessing to reassure me of my calling and His love for each of us. I'm so thankful for this experience I had to solidify my testimony once again on His holy priesthood and on Him.

the one about the temple

Growing up in the church, the temple has always played an important role in my life, but this past Saturday, I was able to learn and appreciate it so much more. I was blessed to be able to receive my own endowments. What a beautiful and amazing experience it was. Never have I appreciated The Atonement so much and never have I been so grateful to be a member of His great Gospel. The temple is such a wonderful place,  and it truly is heaven on earth. 

I can't say I wasn't nervous, I was. I had taken the temple prep class, I had met with my Bishop about it,  I read many many scriptures about temples and their purposes, and honestly, I was as ready as I could've been. When I entered into the temple, all my nerves went away. It was simply beautiful, as always. I know I made covenants with the Lord that day, and I renew those covenants every day now. I can honestly say, my life has changed for eternity, and for the better. The Spirit bore witness, to me personally, of the covenants I made and that they were true, and how grateful I am to have the Spirit as my constant companion to be able to have that assurance. The temple is truly the House of the Lord. I cannot say it was easy to get to the temple, it takes patience, dedication, constant prayer, diligent scripture study and most importantly the Atonement of Jesus Christ, but I can promise, it was is all worth it. The temple is not a "secret" place, it's a sacred place. As members we do not discuss the covenants made in the temple because they are so sacred to us and to our Heavenly Father. Anyone can go to the temple, if they are willing to live their life in accordance to His commandments and principles, it's not for the privileged it's for those striving to be like Him. I'm so overwhelmed with happiness that I can draw nearer to my Lord and Father in His Holy Temple and receive guidance and revelation for myself, but more importantly that I am just one step closer to being able to live and dwell with them again. I love to see the temple, I went inside November 23, 2013. I covenanted with my Father; I promised to obey.

the one all about my mission

Here is my complete account of the thoughts, feelings, revelations, and experiences leading up to what will soon become the most amazing and rewarding experience of my life, my mission. Prepare yourselves for what could, and most likely, will be a very long story (grab a snack if needed). If this bores you, I apologize now. Well I take that back. This narration isn't for your entertainment, but more so that I have it all recorded in one place with all of my thoughts and feelings up to this moment. But if you do enjoy it, great!

Once upon a time (just because all stories start like that), I was fourteen and really wanting my Patriarchal Blessing. For those who are not of my faith reading, you can learn what a Patriarchal Blessing is here and here. But since I know most of you won't (even though you definitely should, it's great!) I'll just say, "Patriarchal blessings include a declaration of a person's lineage in the house of Israel and contain personal counsel from the Lord. As a person studies his or her patriarchal blessing and follows the counsel it contains, it will provide guidance, comfort, and protection." I had been wanting mine for a couple years now, and while the average age of receiving one around, oh probably 16, I felt I was ready for mine. So in January in 2008 I finally met with the Stake Patriarch to receive it.  It was an incredible unexplainable experience, but surprisingly, it mentioned (mentions) my mission. At this time I had never once wanted to serve a mission. I knew it was a worthy cause, and utterly supported and encouraged the young men to serve one, and I hoped my future husband would be a return missionary (although less crucial now, for every member a missionary, right??).  Nevertheless, I had never wanted to, and my family and friends knew that, for I voiced voice my opinion often (it's a work in progress). My friends and family playfully teased me about serving one, although they knew it was not something I wanted. Over the years I remarked that it simply meant I'll serve one with my husband when we're old and retired and all that good stuff (which I still want to do someday!). But in the back of my mind, I knew (or maybe rather, felt) that a mission was somewhere in my future. I can't express how much I really did not want to go on one though. Sister missionaries had to be 21 to serve a full-time mission. As a Mormon girl (or just plain female maybe) I was hoping to be, oh I don't know, madly in love by then. But I also knew I would be in my senior year of college at this age and it would be hard, not to mention a very inconvenient time to pause my life and leave it all for a year and a half. So at 14 you can see why I just set the thought aside thinking I had 7 years to figure it out, well eventually I grew up (sort of, again--it's a work and progress) but at 18 I still thought the same thing, It's 3 years from now, I'll figure it out then. Although I still had no desire at all to serve one I figured, well perhaps 3 years from now I'll feel differently. 

Well In my first semester of college, In October 2012 General Conference, the prophet, Thomas S. Monson (learn/read about him here or if you're into movies learn/watch about him here do it. He's great), made this incredible announcement for our church (read about it here)! The missionary age was lowered for both men and women. Worthy young men could now serve at the age of 18, instead of 19, worthy young women could now serve at the age of 19, instead of 21. Everyone's jaw dropped hearing this, because seriously, it's huge news for us, and it's incredible.  But for me, it just meant this mission I knew I would probably end up going on, was available to me in just 7 months. I kind of had a panic attack sitting there after the announcement. It just finally became real to me, that this was a decision that could now affect me very soon, it wasn't something I could set aside for a couple years and worry about later. 

So I thought about it more and more and prayed to see if it was something I wanted, or rather, needed to do. But I still didn't want to at all. I continued praying, but I felt as though my prayers weren't getting answered. I wanted to know if this was something Heavenly Father wanted for me, if a mission was in store for me. I became frustrated and confused on why I was getting my answer. How was I suppose to make this huge decision if I wasn't getting any revelation on the matter? Was I not praying enough? Was I praying wrong? After having probably one of the most important discussions I have ever had with my (amazing) Bishop I learned that my personal revelation doesn't come as evident as some. It simply was a "this feels good/right"feeling or just the opposite. I wasn't one that could pray on a matter and find an answer in the next chapter of my daily scripture reading. Because I'm unique and Heavenly Father knows me personally, I receive revelation differently than anybody else. It was an important lesson learned and interpreting revelation is something that takes a lot of practice still.

So I didn't finally realize this calling for me just because of that discussion. I simply felt as though I needed change. I didn't know what I was looking for, I didn't know how to find it, I just knew something needed to change. I didn't know if I wanted to transfer to a college with more LDS members nearby or if a mission was what I was looking for. I knew I did not want to serve a mission if I wasn't 100% in love with the idea, and everyone knew I wasn't at all in love with the idea. So I began researching all the colleges with top speech pathology programs and had a larger population of LDS members within the location. I prayed about the colleges and the possibility of transferring, but came to the conclusion it wasn't what I was looking for. So once again I came back to the mission idea. 

At this time my Sierra, my oldest sister, was preparing for her own mission. She was studying a lot for it and was watching videos of missionaries opening their calls and such getting more and more excited for it. I became kind of jealous and finally had a slight desire to go on one just because she was as well (horrible reason, I know). One night Sierra and I were discussing the topic and how difficult the decision was for both of us. I made the comment, "It would be so much easier if we were just expected to go on a mission like the boys, so it doesn't come as such a difficult decision when we get to this age" (or something along that line). Almost as soon as I said it though, I pictured my Patriarchal Blessing and the exact spot, where it mentions my mission, the sentence is phrased "Many great things shall be expected of you--that of going on a mission..."It hit me like never before. This sentence I read so many times, and never once realized what I did at that moment. All those years I tossed it aside, thinking I'll figure it out it years from now, when really I should've been preparing for it all along. 

That was the moment I really knew I needed to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Unfortunately I still didn't have a desire to. But the more and more Sierra prepared for her mission the more accepting I became of the idea of serving one as well. Then Seth returned from his own mission in Argentina. As we all learn sooner or later Heavenly Father's plan isn't always what we expected and Sierra's plans were altered and she was soon called to be a wife (as you can read or re-read here!) and continue to uplift and inspire those around here. We don't always know Heavenly Father's reasoning behind what He does.

"Although you are worthy to serve in this position," He may say, "this is not my calling for you. It is my desire that you lift where you stand." God knows what is best for us. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk Lift Where You Stand)

Luckily, Heavenly Father is aware of my relationship with Sierra and knows how big of an influence she plays in my life. I have a strong belief that He had Sierra prepare for a mission to help prepare her for marriage but also because He knows that She is one of the only people that could've influenced me and changed my outlook on a mission. Because of her efforts and her preparation I finally had the spark of desire to serve one as well. Although I still didn't want to unless I did it whole-heartedly. So i prayed for the desire to serve. It took a lot of time and effort reading my scriptures and spending the time talking to my Heavenly Father, but soon the desire to serve came, and I was looking forward to nothing else.

So I finally decided it was something I wanted to do. I just didn't know when I wanted to go. I had just turned 19 and the fall semester would be starting in 3 months. I now had a new subtopic to pray about. I prayed about leaving right away, but didn't feel comfortable with it. I prayed about leaving at the start of the fall semester or even within this semester, but didn't feel comfortable with it. I was unsure of why I wasn't comfortable with leaving in the near future. Well the answer became clear when Seth and Sierra did become engaged and chose the date for their wedding. Heavenly Father knew I would much rather attend my sister's wedding then leave a couple months earlier. So I finally decided to leave at the start of the spring semester.

I started my paperwork and all the joys that come along with that, some that will not be named and others such as getting my wisdom teeth out, which wasn't pleasant. I can honestly say I have grown more within the last 3-4 months than I ever have in my entire life. I've experienced more of Heavenly Father and my Savior's love for me than I can even comprehend. I've learned and utilized The Atonement more so than ever and am so grateful for all that I am able to become because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice for me (and you!). I've had the most spiritual experiences of my life, some that are too personal to share, that have transformed me. I'm so grateful for these last couple of months and they have been pivotal chapters of my life thus far. 

My papers were finally submitted and I impatiently waited for my call (which entails when and where you will be sent). In that time I was able to listen to General Conference and heard some of the greatest talks! The day my call was assigned I was ecstatic and the following week I expected my mission call each day. Each day I was disappointed. Heavenly Father really wanted to teach my patience, day after day I waited by the mailbox, stalking the mailman, even chasing him down one time, and returning to bed disappointed. What an amazing tender mercy it was to be reading the account of the great missionary Ammon and his encounter with King Lamoni one day while waiting for the mail. I prayed often and was humbled learning His timing is not always what is most convenient for us. After a week and half after my call had been assigned and still not receiving it, Bishop called church headquarters only to hear that they had sent it and it should've gotten there by now, but they would send another. So I accepted the fact that my first letter was lost and another one would reach me within the next week. I had a stressful week and a lot of exams, papers, and homework and didn't bother checking the mail. Then Friday night Sierra wanted to hang out while I was on campus doing homework. When I got to her house to pick her up she had told me to come inside. When I got inside she told me she would be awhile longer so sit down. She wasn't acting odd, as of five minutes ago she was calling questioning what was taking me so longer, and now she wanted me to hang out in her living room and make myself at home (which I always do so it was odd that she told me to). I sat on a blanket that was on the couch, she told me not to be a slob and to move her stuff and not just sit on it. I moved it and my "lost" call had just arrived! As stupid as it sounds I was emotional finally having it. It came exactly 3 weeks since my papers were submitted and exactly 2 since it was assigned (the 25th), also although it was frustrating and felt like forever I was fortunate to get it that soon and exaggerate how long my wait actually was. Although most get it within 2 weeks, some wait months; I'm lucky I didn't have to go through that. 

I had definitely learned to be more patient and waiting another day to go home to be with my family seemed like nothing. Some of my extended family and friends were able to be there, as well as skyping in with my grandpa and aunts out of state. 

I can't write in words the amazing experience it is to open and read a letter from the First Presidency to where you will live and serve for 18 months of your life. (There is more to the letter than this, obviously)

Dear Sister Sillivan:

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Florida Orlando Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months. You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, January 1, 2014.

I know that Florida is where I have been called by the Lord to teach and serve. I know that I will love and cherish the area, friends, and memories. I'm so grateful that I have this opportunity to dedicate my life to my Heavenly Father for 18 months and completely serve him every day. I'm honored to be a representative of Christ and to share His restored Gospel to those living in Florida. I'm so excited to start this journey. I couldn't thank all of those who helped me finally get to this point in my life enough, especially my parents for raising me and teaching me about our Father in Heaven and His son Jesus Christ. I'm blessed that they not only taught me but show me as well by the way they live. I'm so thankful for the faithful stewards in the church that have strengthened me like never before. I'm grateful that I have the Holy Ghost as a constant companion to warn me of pitfalls along this path of life.  I know that Jesus Christ atoned for my sorrows and transgressions, and I couldn't be where I am today without His sacrifice. I love my Heavenly Father and wish I could express it enough. I hope and pray I will be of great use to Him in the mission field. I will serve to the best of my ability and pray that I can touch someone's life. 

"You will come to know that what appears to be a sacrifice, will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make." -Gordon B. Hinckley

the one where i got my wisdom teeth pulled

ya i got my wisdom teeth pulled 2 days ago.

ya know, i didn't think it was gonna be so bad.

i was just like, oh hmm eh mmm err oh well whatevs

then the ol doc was right there preparing me for it and i was all

huffin and puffin, "you're gonna do what?!"

nope. definitely not. 

sorry pal but

unfortunately i didnt have much of a choice

and now 

the one where i tell Sierra and Seth's story

one of the greatest blessings in my life is my incredible sister. i have looked up to, and modeled my life after hers for as long as i can remember. she is humble, intelligent, kind, beautiful, trustworthy, wise, confident, determined, adventurous, compassionate, patient, hard-working, loyal and valiant. she's been so inspiring to so many people, and once again she sets the example of getting married in the beautiful LDS temple in Manti. Seth is an amazing young man that has always loved and protected her. he's determined, loyal, hard-working, anchored, and is always willing to serve the Lord. he'll make a great husband and father and i'm so excited to be able to call him my brother.

and now for the moment you all have been waiting for,

here is their story:

so once upon a time Seth saw Sierra at youth conference
 (a church camp) when he was 14, and he was all like,

and so he was pretty much smitten by her awesomeness. 

so he probably stalked her for the next two years, 

 that part is unclear, but when they were 16 they officially met at youth conference.

Seth was all like,

but Sierra was like,

just kidding! 

so they started talking and he asked her to his junior prom and she accepted.

they had a great time. Seth wanted to date her right then and there, 

but Sierra wanted to make sure he was boyfriend material. 

so she actually rejected him a few times first.

but the next year they went to youth conference again and 

sierra saw that he was very compassionate and that he was kinda a hero at trek.

so she finally realized what a catch he was.

oh silly me, 

Seth is a cowboy.

so then Sierra was all like,

"ask me to be your girlfriend again!"

or something like that.

so he asked and she was like,

and Seth was like, "here comes the smolder."

so they dated for a couple years, and they were a super cute couple.

then Seth prepared to leave for his mission for our church. 

so they had to say goodbye for two years.

once he left, Sierra was devastated for months and months. 

they decided it was best to just move on.

the 2 years soon passed and Seth was coming home.

lucky for her i was there telling her to go meet him.

so she arrived at the church after he had just flown home from Argentina.

and she was all like,

and it was awkward for both of them

and Kaitlyn, (seth's little sister) and i were all like,

so they didn't just fall back into place. 

but Seth felt that he needed to see where things went with her so

he started making an effort again.

and Sierra was like,

and things started working out, especially after we moved 

back home for the summer.

we were able to see the Ramsays once a week.

and things were working out between them,

and Sierra remembered how she had felt when she was with him

but Sierra was planning on going on a mission.

her papers were finished, but Seth wanted her to make sure that

was the correct decision for her, he asked her to pray more whether 

she should go on a mission or get married.

and Sierra was like,

but after praying a lot about the situation, Sierra was amazed at her answer.

she had been reassured that this relationship was something she needed.

they had both had grown so much and were both so in love. 

they both had received answers that this relationship was something Heavenly Father

was pleased with and that they should get married.

so one weekend we were in the Sandhills Seth asked my father permission

to marry my amazing sister, and us siblings sat and watched through the window

of course my dad said yes,

and Chip (seth's dad) was all like,

haha!

so after 4 years, Sierra returned to youth conference as the photographer,

Seth had surprised her at the scene where she first decided he was the one.

he proposed 

and of course she said yes!

i know right?!

so some people were like,

and others like,

but most were like,

and Kaitlyn was like,

and Sierra got home and was like, "im getting married!"

and i was like,

just kidding! i was so happy for her! and i will look like Gus Gus at their wedding.

but i was also like, my best friend/sister/roomie is leaving me.

and i was just like,

 dont worry i'll figure out how to fend for myself.

but really i'm so excited for her and Seth to make this journey together.

But just know,

for you Sierra. I love you and you're my person.

So once again congratulations to the happy couple!

Love you both a ton!