the one about EFY

I am so beyond grateful for the chance I had this summer to be an EFY counselor. I have never had a more exhausting, exciting, rewarding, entertaining, and spiritual job! I loved every minute of it. From my first week to my fifth, I learned lessons from the classes, leaders, and especially the youth that I couldn't have learned in any other way. Words can't even describe my gratitude. Each Sunday I would be handed a list of 9-15 names of the girls that would be in my group and each Sunday I would almost be in tears. I loved them so much from the start! After meeting the girls on Monday and meeting the rest of my wonderful companies, I always felt an instant connection with all my youth. Each week they impressed me with their testimonies, their consideration, their love, and their actions. They have changed me and have made me a better person. Everything we do at EFY is to help each other strengthen our testimonies and relationships with our Savior Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. We played games, we cheered, we laughed, we sang, we were taught in firesides, lessons, and classes, we cried, and we bore powerful testimonies of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is amazing to see how inspired of a program EFY is and what a difference it makes in these young people's lives. A few of my favorite activities throughout the week included:
Meet Your Counselor: This is the first time I get to meet my girls and I'm always just bursting with excitement so of course this would be my first favorite!
Gospel Study: I love testifying of the blessings from personal study. It is perhaps one of the greatest lessons anyone could learn at EFY, that God answers are questions and can provide revelation and knowledge through taking time to study the scriptures.
Games Night: Although it was a challenge to close my big mouth, I loved prepping for games night because it was amazing seeing how unified it made the companies each week. As they struggled to work together without the counselors help they had to rely on each other. Also games night is just a bunch of games so of course it'll be up there.
Pizza Night: I love pizza night with my girls (sad we don't get one for stay-at-home sessions). It is so fun to get to just talk and get to know the girls on a more personal level and strengthen bonds.
Young Women's Activity: Although I know I'm not qualified to teach the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I loved studying for my girls and focusing on how to help them strengthen their understanding, appreciation, and testimony in and of the Savior. It was always such a powerful experience for me and I'm grateful they trusted me with questions each week. I learned far more from them then I could ever teach!
Testimony Meeting: It's amazing to hear someone who has become so special to you stand and testify of their beliefs. These were sacred moments for me that I will forever remember.
Sharing the Gospel: Because I loved my mission with everything I have, this is one of my favorite moments. We role play gospel related questions in pairs. It made me feel like I was a full-time missionary again!
The EFY Medley: This is always my favorite part to sing with my company each week and look at each of them, with so much love. I cried every time as I thought about the memories we've made throughout the week and how much I'll miss them.
By the end I knew I had gained friends for a lifetime. And although I literally bawled each week saying goodbye, I would do this summer all over again if I could.
To all my youth from Logan2, Logan3, Logan SAH2, Provo10A, and South Jordan SAH, please remember how much you all mean to me. Please remember and apply what the Spirit taught you at EFY 2016. Please know how loved you are by a perfect Father in Heaven. My greatest wish for you all is to cherish and love the Gospel with all your heart. I've said it so many times but it's worth repeating; everything good in my life is because I chose the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is worth it. I cannot wait to hear from each of you and to see how Heavenly Father uses you to bless and strengthen those around you! Love and miss you all so so much!

          

          

            

                  

the one about my little sister

My little sister Shylo is amazing. She may be the exact opposite of me in every way I think, but I learn so much from her! 

Shylo is a passionate person. When she loves someone or something, she loves so fervently. She's a person who knows exactly what she stands for and is firm in every way to it. She's loyal to her beliefs and to her standards. She's not afraid to be different. She's not afraid to stand out and stand up for something. I'm amazed by her strength and devotion to herself. She is so true to her passions, her talents, her knowledge, and her beliefs. I hope to be more like her in that respect someday. I feel so blessed to consider her not only a sister but a best friend. I'm so lucky to have someone by my side who I know can't fake a smile or fake her feelings. It's nice to have someone where I never have to question if they are being sincere or not. With Shylo, you know she is or isn't, there is no in-between. To say I love her is of course an understatement. I wish she knew how much she is idolized. I wish she knew how absolutely incredible she is. I wish she could see how much she is cherished. I hope she feels that same fervent love of so many to her. She is someone who deserves it and so much more. 

the one about my brother

Today we got the first email from Elder Sillivan!!
My little brother is the epitome of a Christlike man; he must have gotten that from my Father, as well as my angel mother. He has become one of my heroes so let me tell you everything he continues to teach me.
He teaches me to be a peacemaker. He learned a long time ago (through being the only boy in-between four sisters) that there are few things actually worth arguing about. He is far more mature than I sometimes give him credit for. He constantly reminds our younger sisters and me the importance of peace, to which, I'm grateful for.
He teaches me to be submissive. He is always willing to serve and do what he is asked by our dear sweet parents. He rarely complains and does as he is told out of respect and duty. Above all, he constantly is seeking to do God's will. I'm absolutely amazed by his devotion to our Father in Heaven.
He teaches me to laugh. He strives to enjoy every moment he's in. He cracks poor jokes and does odd dance moves but is always making those around him smile. If you're lucky enough to be someone he feels comfortable with, you're lucky to know his sense of humor and character.
He teaches me to work. Our parents taught us the value of hard work but no one quite understands it the way Steele does. He recognizes the importance of starting and finishing a project. He knows the work it takes to accomplish anything good and he puts in the time. He works hard and gives his very best at everything he does.
He teaches me to be obedient. He has always known the importance of being obedient to our parents and to Heavenly Father's commandments. He obeys out of love and not out of obligation.
He teaches me to love. Steele has a huge heart. There has always been something deep inside him that puts his loved ones first for everything. His family is his life and he would much rather be with them than anyone else. His focus has always been for his family now and his future family someday. He loves so much and so strong and his love for our Savior and for our God is astounding.
I know I have been blessed with the very best brother I could have ever received. I'm so proud of who he is and for the man that he will continue to become. I'm so thankful for the lessons I learn from him every day and for the example he has always set for me. He will forever be a hero of mine.

the one about my Grandma Gloria

I was only six years old when Grandma Gloria passed away, but her legacy continues to inspire me. Some of my fondest memories are walking hand in hand with my older sister to her house after school. We would climb the counter to peek into the candy cabinet and await the poached eggs with milk that would surely be our dinner. Her tiger lamp, famous spiral iron staircase, and the enchanting carousel horse are just the possessions that made grandma so unique to my cousins and me. Now I recognize the pivotal example she was to so many through her instant and permanent testimony of the Book of Mormon.

Gloria was born in a small town in central Nebraska in the year of 1928. She was an only child for most of her life. Her parents adopted her brother and sister after she was an adult. Her place of education was a one-room, country schoolhouse outside the town of Burwell. Her family was taught in the ways of the Methodist faith, but rarely attended.

 Annually, the quaint little school would bring in Catholic Nuns for a week to teach the students stories from the Bible. For days, they would read and discuss the lessons learned from Noah, Moses, David, and other prophets and people in the Old and New Testament. At the end of the week, they were each asked to stand in front of the class and recount their favorite story. At the age of seven, my grandma stood and shared her favorite story, “…when God lit the stones so the men could see in the boats.”  The teachers were puzzled. “Gloria, that’s a nice story but it is not one of the Bible stories.” With the closest LDS chapel and, likely, the closest Book of Mormon (what is the Book of Mormon? read here) as well, hundreds of miles away, her mother, the teachers, as well as herself, had no idea how she had heard this story. When asked, she had responded, “I don't know how I know it, but I know it’s true.” They asked every minister they came in contact with about the story but no one seemed to have ever heard such a tale. Gloria never forgot.

As years passed, that experience was always in the back of Gloria’s mind. But soon she met Norman Sillivan, the love of her life, and they were married in January of 1947. They had four children and adopted four, as well. Gloria and Norman raised their kids with the values of hard work, faith, and determination. They were also members of the Methodist church, although they didn’t attend but for special occasions. Still, they were known for their honesty, loyalty, values, and hard work.

In the summer of 1972, my grandparents decided to take the three kids that were still left at home on a trip to California to visit family. As fortune would have it, Salt Lake City was where they spent the night after a long day’s drive. After recognizing the tourist options within the city, they decided to at least walk around Temple Square. Not surprisingly, they were handed many brochures, as well as a Book of Mormon. After their planned 15-minute walk turned into three hours, they headed on their way.

As they drove, grandma read bits and pieces of her new literature out loud to her family.  They soon returned home and the book was placed on the shelf. Years passed and it collected dust. Finally, in the year of 1975, my grandma picked up the Book of Mormon once again. In the little village of Arcadia, Nebraska, Mormonism was hardly heard of.  And the few people, who had heard of it, knew very little about it. This included my grandma, other than the few hours spent in Salt Lake City.

My dad, the youngest of the eight children, only knows the story through his eyes. He was playing pool with his father in the basement of their little farmhouse. Suddenly, they heard a scream, along with tears, coming from just up the stairs. Upon reaching the top, they found Gloria sitting with the Book of Mormon in hand. With happiness and what must have also been shock and confusion, she shouted “I found my story!” Sure enough, out of curiosity, she had taken the book from the shelf and began reading where she had left off: Ether 3.

She was hungry for more; more knowledge about this book. She had so many questions. She did know one thing though, the story she had known all those years before as a small child, really did happen. Gloria wrote Church headquarters in Salt Lake City, asking for additional information about the church and the message of this Book of Mormon. For three years she waited, until one day two elders, missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, walked into her local business asking for a Gloria Sillivan.  She recognized who they must be immediately and responded, “What took you so long?”

Norman, Gloria, and the two youngest of the family, my aunt and my father, began meeting with these Mormon missionaries. The elders came, from the closest branch 100 miles away, to teach the family. Within just a few short months, the four were baptized on October 11, 1978 in the Middle Loup River. The recent converts were not always fortunate enough to make the drive to a newly formed branch only 70 miles away every Sunday. But members came for visits to strengthen and support their family.  Meetings were held in their home and as their testimonies increased, so did their church attendance. For years they continued to drive 140 miles round trip each Sunday and Wednesday as new callings came.

Now, 37 years later, I see the influence my courageous grandmother had on so many. Her leading example has brought dozens to the truth and to the knowledge of the gospel. She testified through the power of the Holy Ghost to all those who questioned and doubted her faith. The first daughter to be baptized brought her husband into the church and my father married a young lady from their first branch. Eventually, the church grew in our remote area and my dad was asked to help form a branch closer to home, this time only 30 miles away. The Broken Bow Branch was created in 1992.  My father was called as the first Branch President, fulfilling a statement from one of the missionaries that baptized them: “Someday this area will see a President Sillivan.”

On October 11, 2012, exactly 34 years from the day of her own baptism, two more of Gloria’s daughters were baptized. The gospel, and her example, continues to bless many of her grandchildren and great grandchildren to this day.

My grandma’s role in building the church in central Nebraska has been pivotal. My grandma’s role in building my family’s testimony has been without measure. Her unshakeable testimony of the gospel has taught me patience in learning, faith in God, and to believe that good things come to those who seek after truth. Her faith in a simple book, and even more so, within a short story, has testified to me that miracles do still occur. In Mormon 9:19 it says, “And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.”

Heavenly Father is aware of every individual. He knows their needs, their desires, and their heartaches and will always send assistance. He sent aid to my grandmother exactly when she needed it, to eventually bring her the eternal truths that would not only bless her life, but her family’s life for generations to come on both sides of the veil.

Although my testimony may have first started on the foundation of my parents, I too, now know firmly that my Heavenly Father lives and truly did send Jesus Christ to be the Savior of the World. The Book of Mormon will bring any honest seeker to truth and happiness. All the blessings He has in store for us in this life come through faithfulness to His commandments. I am so thankful for my testimony and the witness of my grandma, Gloria Sillivan. 

mormon.org

lds.org

the one all about my mission

Here is my complete account of the thoughts, feelings, revelations, and experiences leading up to what will soon become the most amazing and rewarding experience of my life, my mission. Prepare yourselves for what could, and most likely, will be a very long story (grab a snack if needed). If this bores you, I apologize now. Well I take that back. This narration isn't for your entertainment, but more so that I have it all recorded in one place with all of my thoughts and feelings up to this moment. But if you do enjoy it, great!

Once upon a time (just because all stories start like that), I was fourteen and really wanting my Patriarchal Blessing. For those who are not of my faith reading, you can learn what a Patriarchal Blessing is here and here. But since I know most of you won't (even though you definitely should, it's great!) I'll just say, "Patriarchal blessings include a declaration of a person's lineage in the house of Israel and contain personal counsel from the Lord. As a person studies his or her patriarchal blessing and follows the counsel it contains, it will provide guidance, comfort, and protection." I had been wanting mine for a couple years now, and while the average age of receiving one around, oh probably 16, I felt I was ready for mine. So in January in 2008 I finally met with the Stake Patriarch to receive it.  It was an incredible unexplainable experience, but surprisingly, it mentioned (mentions) my mission. At this time I had never once wanted to serve a mission. I knew it was a worthy cause, and utterly supported and encouraged the young men to serve one, and I hoped my future husband would be a return missionary (although less crucial now, for every member a missionary, right??).  Nevertheless, I had never wanted to, and my family and friends knew that, for I voiced voice my opinion often (it's a work in progress). My friends and family playfully teased me about serving one, although they knew it was not something I wanted. Over the years I remarked that it simply meant I'll serve one with my husband when we're old and retired and all that good stuff (which I still want to do someday!). But in the back of my mind, I knew (or maybe rather, felt) that a mission was somewhere in my future. I can't express how much I really did not want to go on one though. Sister missionaries had to be 21 to serve a full-time mission. As a Mormon girl (or just plain female maybe) I was hoping to be, oh I don't know, madly in love by then. But I also knew I would be in my senior year of college at this age and it would be hard, not to mention a very inconvenient time to pause my life and leave it all for a year and a half. So at 14 you can see why I just set the thought aside thinking I had 7 years to figure it out, well eventually I grew up (sort of, again--it's a work and progress) but at 18 I still thought the same thing, It's 3 years from now, I'll figure it out then. Although I still had no desire at all to serve one I figured, well perhaps 3 years from now I'll feel differently. 

Well In my first semester of college, In October 2012 General Conference, the prophet, Thomas S. Monson (learn/read about him here or if you're into movies learn/watch about him here do it. He's great), made this incredible announcement for our church (read about it here)! The missionary age was lowered for both men and women. Worthy young men could now serve at the age of 18, instead of 19, worthy young women could now serve at the age of 19, instead of 21. Everyone's jaw dropped hearing this, because seriously, it's huge news for us, and it's incredible.  But for me, it just meant this mission I knew I would probably end up going on, was available to me in just 7 months. I kind of had a panic attack sitting there after the announcement. It just finally became real to me, that this was a decision that could now affect me very soon, it wasn't something I could set aside for a couple years and worry about later. 

So I thought about it more and more and prayed to see if it was something I wanted, or rather, needed to do. But I still didn't want to at all. I continued praying, but I felt as though my prayers weren't getting answered. I wanted to know if this was something Heavenly Father wanted for me, if a mission was in store for me. I became frustrated and confused on why I was getting my answer. How was I suppose to make this huge decision if I wasn't getting any revelation on the matter? Was I not praying enough? Was I praying wrong? After having probably one of the most important discussions I have ever had with my (amazing) Bishop I learned that my personal revelation doesn't come as evident as some. It simply was a "this feels good/right"feeling or just the opposite. I wasn't one that could pray on a matter and find an answer in the next chapter of my daily scripture reading. Because I'm unique and Heavenly Father knows me personally, I receive revelation differently than anybody else. It was an important lesson learned and interpreting revelation is something that takes a lot of practice still.

So I didn't finally realize this calling for me just because of that discussion. I simply felt as though I needed change. I didn't know what I was looking for, I didn't know how to find it, I just knew something needed to change. I didn't know if I wanted to transfer to a college with more LDS members nearby or if a mission was what I was looking for. I knew I did not want to serve a mission if I wasn't 100% in love with the idea, and everyone knew I wasn't at all in love with the idea. So I began researching all the colleges with top speech pathology programs and had a larger population of LDS members within the location. I prayed about the colleges and the possibility of transferring, but came to the conclusion it wasn't what I was looking for. So once again I came back to the mission idea. 

At this time my Sierra, my oldest sister, was preparing for her own mission. She was studying a lot for it and was watching videos of missionaries opening their calls and such getting more and more excited for it. I became kind of jealous and finally had a slight desire to go on one just because she was as well (horrible reason, I know). One night Sierra and I were discussing the topic and how difficult the decision was for both of us. I made the comment, "It would be so much easier if we were just expected to go on a mission like the boys, so it doesn't come as such a difficult decision when we get to this age" (or something along that line). Almost as soon as I said it though, I pictured my Patriarchal Blessing and the exact spot, where it mentions my mission, the sentence is phrased "Many great things shall be expected of you--that of going on a mission..."It hit me like never before. This sentence I read so many times, and never once realized what I did at that moment. All those years I tossed it aside, thinking I'll figure it out it years from now, when really I should've been preparing for it all along. 

That was the moment I really knew I needed to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Unfortunately I still didn't have a desire to. But the more and more Sierra prepared for her mission the more accepting I became of the idea of serving one as well. Then Seth returned from his own mission in Argentina. As we all learn sooner or later Heavenly Father's plan isn't always what we expected and Sierra's plans were altered and she was soon called to be a wife (as you can read or re-read here!) and continue to uplift and inspire those around here. We don't always know Heavenly Father's reasoning behind what He does.

"Although you are worthy to serve in this position," He may say, "this is not my calling for you. It is my desire that you lift where you stand." God knows what is best for us. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk Lift Where You Stand)

Luckily, Heavenly Father is aware of my relationship with Sierra and knows how big of an influence she plays in my life. I have a strong belief that He had Sierra prepare for a mission to help prepare her for marriage but also because He knows that She is one of the only people that could've influenced me and changed my outlook on a mission. Because of her efforts and her preparation I finally had the spark of desire to serve one as well. Although I still didn't want to unless I did it whole-heartedly. So i prayed for the desire to serve. It took a lot of time and effort reading my scriptures and spending the time talking to my Heavenly Father, but soon the desire to serve came, and I was looking forward to nothing else.

So I finally decided it was something I wanted to do. I just didn't know when I wanted to go. I had just turned 19 and the fall semester would be starting in 3 months. I now had a new subtopic to pray about. I prayed about leaving right away, but didn't feel comfortable with it. I prayed about leaving at the start of the fall semester or even within this semester, but didn't feel comfortable with it. I was unsure of why I wasn't comfortable with leaving in the near future. Well the answer became clear when Seth and Sierra did become engaged and chose the date for their wedding. Heavenly Father knew I would much rather attend my sister's wedding then leave a couple months earlier. So I finally decided to leave at the start of the spring semester.

I started my paperwork and all the joys that come along with that, some that will not be named and others such as getting my wisdom teeth out, which wasn't pleasant. I can honestly say I have grown more within the last 3-4 months than I ever have in my entire life. I've experienced more of Heavenly Father and my Savior's love for me than I can even comprehend. I've learned and utilized The Atonement more so than ever and am so grateful for all that I am able to become because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice for me (and you!). I've had the most spiritual experiences of my life, some that are too personal to share, that have transformed me. I'm so grateful for these last couple of months and they have been pivotal chapters of my life thus far. 

My papers were finally submitted and I impatiently waited for my call (which entails when and where you will be sent). In that time I was able to listen to General Conference and heard some of the greatest talks! The day my call was assigned I was ecstatic and the following week I expected my mission call each day. Each day I was disappointed. Heavenly Father really wanted to teach my patience, day after day I waited by the mailbox, stalking the mailman, even chasing him down one time, and returning to bed disappointed. What an amazing tender mercy it was to be reading the account of the great missionary Ammon and his encounter with King Lamoni one day while waiting for the mail. I prayed often and was humbled learning His timing is not always what is most convenient for us. After a week and half after my call had been assigned and still not receiving it, Bishop called church headquarters only to hear that they had sent it and it should've gotten there by now, but they would send another. So I accepted the fact that my first letter was lost and another one would reach me within the next week. I had a stressful week and a lot of exams, papers, and homework and didn't bother checking the mail. Then Friday night Sierra wanted to hang out while I was on campus doing homework. When I got to her house to pick her up she had told me to come inside. When I got inside she told me she would be awhile longer so sit down. She wasn't acting odd, as of five minutes ago she was calling questioning what was taking me so longer, and now she wanted me to hang out in her living room and make myself at home (which I always do so it was odd that she told me to). I sat on a blanket that was on the couch, she told me not to be a slob and to move her stuff and not just sit on it. I moved it and my "lost" call had just arrived! As stupid as it sounds I was emotional finally having it. It came exactly 3 weeks since my papers were submitted and exactly 2 since it was assigned (the 25th), also although it was frustrating and felt like forever I was fortunate to get it that soon and exaggerate how long my wait actually was. Although most get it within 2 weeks, some wait months; I'm lucky I didn't have to go through that. 

I had definitely learned to be more patient and waiting another day to go home to be with my family seemed like nothing. Some of my extended family and friends were able to be there, as well as skyping in with my grandpa and aunts out of state. 

I can't write in words the amazing experience it is to open and read a letter from the First Presidency to where you will live and serve for 18 months of your life. (There is more to the letter than this, obviously)

Dear Sister Sillivan:

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Florida Orlando Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months. You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, January 1, 2014.

I know that Florida is where I have been called by the Lord to teach and serve. I know that I will love and cherish the area, friends, and memories. I'm so grateful that I have this opportunity to dedicate my life to my Heavenly Father for 18 months and completely serve him every day. I'm honored to be a representative of Christ and to share His restored Gospel to those living in Florida. I'm so excited to start this journey. I couldn't thank all of those who helped me finally get to this point in my life enough, especially my parents for raising me and teaching me about our Father in Heaven and His son Jesus Christ. I'm blessed that they not only taught me but show me as well by the way they live. I'm so thankful for the faithful stewards in the church that have strengthened me like never before. I'm grateful that I have the Holy Ghost as a constant companion to warn me of pitfalls along this path of life.  I know that Jesus Christ atoned for my sorrows and transgressions, and I couldn't be where I am today without His sacrifice. I love my Heavenly Father and wish I could express it enough. I hope and pray I will be of great use to Him in the mission field. I will serve to the best of my ability and pray that I can touch someone's life. 

"You will come to know that what appears to be a sacrifice, will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make." -Gordon B. Hinckley

the one about a beau désordre

beau désordre. beautiful disorder
i learned this phrase in art history.
i thought about it a lot since then.
we used it in a sense where the surroundings in the portrait were a mess
the artist thought, "what is so beautiful about order and uniformity?"
life isn't like that and people aren't like that
life isn't completely organized. nor should it be.
we aren't perfect by any means, we have flaws,
but isn't that what makes us who we are?
another thought entered my mind.
last week while in a public restroom
i heard a girl walk in,
she then proceeded in an act that made my eyes fill with tears
she gagged herself and threw up
i was stunned.
i hurt for her, why would anyone deliberately want to do that?
i so badly wanted to run out and talk to her! help her.
tell her how beautiful she was and how she didn't have to do this daily.
i wanted to tell her that her Heavenly Father loved her just the way she was.
she didn't have to change one thing.
sadly she left as soon as she was done
i thought of how lucky i was that i was taught at a young age of my importance to our Savior
and how Heavenly Father made me and loved me for me.
i thought about the constant lessons of individual worth in young womens
how very blessed i am to know that.
of course i have flaws. of course i whine about my imperfections
but deep down i know i wouldn't change a thing because this is how He made me.
and He did it for a reason
as i began writing this post i couldn't help but notice the lyrics to the song that happened to be on shuffle on my computer.

The photos in the magazines

Don't dictate who I'm supposed to be
The world can't recognize, all that I am inside
But I know in His eyes, I am a part of, the bigger picture,

There's so much more to me

He helps me see that I have so much to offer

I am His daughter

He loves me the way I am,

He's my strength when I stand

He is my King, and my Father,

I am His daughter.

The people on the TV screen,

The leaders, rulers, and queens

I watch them shape the world,

And though I'm just a girl, I still know for sure,

That I am a part of, the bigger picture

And when I'm feeling small,

And wondering if I'll ever, find courage to stand tall

Through His love I remember

There's so much more to me

He helps me to see that I have so much to offer

I am His daughter

He loves me the way I am

He's my strength when I stand
He is my King, and my Father,
I am His daughter

don't change yourself because of society's warped definition of the word beautiful,
next time you think of beautiful things, don't forget to count yourself.

Operation Beautiful

the one about prayer

today has been stressful, and it's only noon.
let me start my story by explaining my art history class!
(i can vision all of your faces just light up about that!)
but really, its boring. very very boring and when its not boring its awkward
it is my biggest lecture this semester 200+ people or so (big for me at least!)
art history. thats exactly it. we analyze old famous art and compare and contrast with other old art
in a way it is interesting...sometimes, but for this post im exaggerating how much i dislike it.
its difficult memorizing names like Jacopo Pontormo, Artemisia Gentileschi, and Pietro da Cortona and their works when half of them are emulated of each other and you honestly don't care about the subject.
so i have a rough time paying attention and studying
another key factor in this story is because its such a huge lecture, we dont have homework, which is great! and not so great. we have 3 exams. 3 scores for the semester. each 1/3 of your final grade
now if you were a genius and aced each test, this is your class! but for us mere mortals, this is a big deal, means you HAVE to do well, or else your final grade sucks. you miss an exam? 0.
so exam #2 was today.
ill be honest, i always wait till the last day, so you can imagine i was up late last night,
still didnt feel comfortable with the information so i skipped my first class to study, 
was feeling pretty good about it so i started getting ready for class, 
when i dress up and actually spend time getting ready i feel more confident so i did just that
most of my classes start within a half hour, ex. 8:30, 9:30 10:30....
not this one! starts at 11! but for some stupid stupid reason that slips my mind and i continue getting ready as if it was any other morning, be ready to leave by __:05
i check my phone. 10:56. pretty proud of myself have a few minute left.
hits me like a ton of bricks, literally. i was dumbfounded and speechless.
10:57 i make myself move, and quickly! i literally have 3 minutes to make it downtown lincoln, park, run to class, get organized, and review. which usually takes me 20 minutes. throwing on clothes and almost in tears i race out the door,
driving like a maniac (a very safe and aware maniac if youre reading this mom/dad ;) ), 
all i can do is pray.
prayed the whole way, i cant say it was a very thoughtful prayer, more a plead for help.
i prayed for safety while driving like this
for there to be no cops on the highway for just this once
for the lights to be in my favor
for my teacher's heart to be softened 
for me to make it in to the room before the exam starts
for me to remember and apply the things ive studied for
and more.
repeat. rephrase. repeat. 
as i'm driving i see the only cop on this highway pulling another car over. (sorry to that poor fellow, didnt mean to get you pulled over!) 
i get to the stop light. green. turn. next stoplight. green. drive and miraculously another green.
i park, sprint to class and walk in. 11:09 pretty unbelievable.
everyone else has their exams. i walk to the front and the professor acknowledges my tardiness, hesitates for a second, walks to an empty seat and sets the exam on the desk. i thank her graciously and sit down, no time to fill out my personal information,
she immediately announces the slides for the exams will begin now.
(being an art history exam the slides show the pieces of artwork in which questions apply to, if you dont see the slides, there is no possible way of answering 90% of the exam)
i answer the questions and amazingly, i know every slide. after the slides 10 more questions without them. a little more difficult but went well. after i finish the personal information and hand in my exam i walk out the door in astonishment.
 and again i pray.
i thank my Heavenly Father for all he has done for me, even though it means so little in life if you think about it. 
i'm so blessed to have a relationship with my Father in Heaven and to know that if i rely on Him, He will always come through for me. 
the power of prayer is truly a miraculous thing. ♥

the one about my beautiful family

so we took family pictures the other day! they turned out awesome. we just used my camera, a rebel t3, and my sister's boyfriend took them and afterwards we edited them. i'm in shock of families who aren't close to one another. that would kill me. my siblings are my best friends. my parents are my role models and my strengths. they are so inspiring! i love it. i'm so blessed. i can't stress that enough! how lucky i am to have such an amazing strength in my life. my parents taught us at a young age how important our relationship with each other would be. at first we didn't understand, "our siblings would be our best friends" 5+ years ago i could've swore my siblings were my siblings, not my closest friends. but they truly are now. we enjoy being with each other, we help each other, we give each other advice, and we tease each other. we have a great time. ok so my sister is an awesome writer (her blog is here), journalism is her major and she writes for a local newspaper. because she can word things so much better than i can i just chose to pull a clipping of an article she wrote and let her explain this topic a little better. so give it a read.
p.s. i am the little sister she is referring to :)

". . .These parents knew the importance of family, the importance of sibling unity. One wouldn’t think that sharing a room would make a big difference but, I guarantee, it does.

Before I moved into my first apartment, I’d never once had my own room. I’d never even had my own bed. For as long as I can remember I have shared one with my younger sister and I have loved it. Allow me to correct that. I have usually loved it but, being human, there were times when I was younger, perhaps in elementary or junior high, when I wanted my own room. There was a point at which I moved down into the basement…for five minutes. Most of the time, however, having my sister as my roommate was wonderful. There is something about whispering late into the night that builds a relationship. There is something about laughing and crying and supporting one another in the loneliest hours that creates a dimension, an added love for that person. There’s something about learning to share everything that you own whether you want to or not. Something about learning how to be less spiteful and more forgiving. Something about learning to compromise in order to improve your living situation that forces you to grow as a person. There’s something about having less that somehow offers more.

In a world where most have their own bedroom, their own bathroom, their own computer, it’s refreshing to share. It’s gratifying to have a friendship that has been built, not on gossip or even slumber parties, but on learning to live with one another and learning to love it.

That’s why, now that we are both going to college and have the chance to live apart, we are choosing to live together. We are, once again, sharing a bedroom. Not because we have to but because we want to, because we missed it.  

Those young parents have something figured out, something that my own parents figured out long ago.  Sharing a room is going to build that sisterhood in a way nothing else ever could. Having too many children in a house far too small for everyone to have their own bedroom or bathroom, well that was perhaps one of the greatest things that my parents ever did for me." 

and now a couple of the pictures to top it off. :)

the one about Girls Camp

so last week i went to Girls Camp.
and i love girls camp. it's probably my favorite camp ever.
it's not only fun but it's also so very spiritual. 
this year i was a camp leader because i was too old to be a YCL,
luckily my mom is 1st councilor in the Stake Young Womens Program so i easily was able to go.
I was so grateful to be over the 1st years, 
they are all so loving and it's just great to hear their growing young testimonies 
something you should know, I'm kinda a touchy-feely-kind-of-person 
so as we were walking back to camp, i was walking next to a girl who had scoliosis
i gently just reached over and grabbed her hand and kept walking, 
i never would have known how much that had meant to her 
but during testimony meeting she said at that moment she was feeling very homesick 
and almsot in tears, but when i held her hand i made her think of her mother and she felt at home
she made me cry.
anyway, camp was awesome and that's why i didn't write at all so forgive me 
but Girls Camp was definitely worth it.
i'm so blessed

the one where i tell you about my vacation

so this past week i've been on vacation with my amazing family! it was probably thee greatest family vacation thus far! We definitely had some rough patches, but it was all worth it. It started out Thursday at a family reunion on my mom's side. We watched movies on a screen under the stars, rode horses, went to a water-park, went to a melodrama (so much fun! a skit where the audience boos the villains, cheers for the heroes and watches the cast fight for the money that is thrown on stage!), and got to see long lost relatives. Saturday morning we left for Kirtland Ohio, where we would meet up with a family that we're all very close to. The drive from Omaha, NE to Kirtland was excruciating! Took us all day. along the way we stopped at Iowa; where we decided the strangest people in all America were located. [i won't even mention the neon green hair, flapping pant legs, and lady with a fake tail! no offense to those from Iowa, i'm sure it was just a bad day. (let's hope)] we then soon realized we had forgotten our passports which we obviously needed for our trip to Canada. everyone was pretty bummed out including myself! but none of us could stay sad for too long. my dearest mother felt so bad, as if she had ruined our whole trip. We then proceeded to get lost and somehow ended up in Michigan. although the state was beautiful and far better than the interstate, it was not on the way by any means. at last we made it to only our second stop of our long trip. the next day we attended church in Hirum and then visited the Johnson Farm where Joseph Smith stayed for sometime, receiving much of the Doctrine and Covenants. I had no idea how much had taken place there. We took many tours there and got to see the first temple built by the Latter-Day Saints. The following day we drove a few hours to Niagara Falls. Because we had forgotten the passports we were afraid that we wouldn't have such a great time, but we were wrong! it was great, we took the maid of the mist out to the falls, saw the whirlpools, got to stand under the falls, walk through the cave of the winds, and luckily, see the lights at night. so beautiful. After our adventure there we drove to Palmyra, NY. We went to Joseph Smith's log cabin and other buildings. We each had the amazing experience to walk through the Sacred Grove. What an incredible testimony builder it was to actually be able to pray to our Father in Heaven near the very place where he appeared to fourteen year old Joseph. It was beyond incredible. We then had a temple session, climbed Hill Cumorah; where the plates were buried, went to the printing shop; where the first Book of MOrmon was published, visited Alvin Smith's grave, saw where Martin Harris' farm was, ate some great pizza, and waited for the Hill Cumorah Pageant.The Pageant was amazing!! i can't even put into words how strong the spirit was throughout the show. I loved every second of it and i couldn't stop snapping pictures. The following morning we said goodbye to the family who had been with us and went on our way to the Peter Whitmer Farm where the church was first organized. We then headed off towards Nauvoo, IL where the Nauvoo Pageant was still taking place. we loved the HIll Cumorah one so much we decided to stop through and watch this one. although it was a long drive, it was definitely worth it. again the pageant was so spiritual and just amazing all the way around. we finally got home the next day after a week and a half. the vacation had it's ups and downs for sure! but i couldn't have been on a more inspirational, spiritual, and uplifting trip as the one i just returned home from. I'm so glad i know the things i've been taught and i'm so very blessed for not only this great Gospel in my life but for my amazing family who believes and understands how very blessed we are to have it.

The Girls on the trip

Kirtland Temple

The Lights at Niagara Falls

The Falls

Characters from the Hill Cumorah Pageant

again, a little blurry

Opening scene from Hill Cumorah Pageant

 

Opening scene from Nauvoo Pageant

the one where i steal blog titles from a friend-and apologize

WEll....i think i will apologize for not writing for months! but we all know we're busy and it happens.. senior year was crazy but wonderful but I'm glad I'm done! In March i surprised my amazing sister who was nannying for my cousin in AZ, it was great and my first time flying! in April i had my senior prom and it was amazing! couldn't have asked for a better way to end! in May i graduated and i can honestly tell you, i hate preparing for graduation and the reception! it sucks.
hmmm what else has happened?
~Sierra came back home finally
~fell in love with my best friend--He was a foreign exchange student, sexy accent? yes please :)
~cried a ton when he left!
~my best friend from Germany came and visited--had a blast!
~bought a macbook pro!
~went to Youth Conference
~registered for my classes at UNL
~finalized our apartment
oh and leaving for our family vacation in 3 days!

we will be going to Kirtland, OH Palmyra, NY and  Niagara Falls in Canada! we're all stokednow enjoy pictures from the last few months.