the one about a beau désordre

beau désordre. beautiful disorder
i learned this phrase in art history.
i thought about it a lot since then.
we used it in a sense where the surroundings in the portrait were a mess
the artist thought, "what is so beautiful about order and uniformity?"
life isn't like that and people aren't like that
life isn't completely organized. nor should it be.
we aren't perfect by any means, we have flaws,
but isn't that what makes us who we are?
another thought entered my mind.
last week while in a public restroom
i heard a girl walk in,
she then proceeded in an act that made my eyes fill with tears
she gagged herself and threw up
i was stunned.
i hurt for her, why would anyone deliberately want to do that?
i so badly wanted to run out and talk to her! help her.
tell her how beautiful she was and how she didn't have to do this daily.
i wanted to tell her that her Heavenly Father loved her just the way she was.
she didn't have to change one thing.
sadly she left as soon as she was done
i thought of how lucky i was that i was taught at a young age of my importance to our Savior
and how Heavenly Father made me and loved me for me.
i thought about the constant lessons of individual worth in young womens
how very blessed i am to know that.
of course i have flaws. of course i whine about my imperfections
but deep down i know i wouldn't change a thing because this is how He made me.
and He did it for a reason
as i began writing this post i couldn't help but notice the lyrics to the song that happened to be on shuffle on my computer.

The photos in the magazines

Don't dictate who I'm supposed to be
The world can't recognize, all that I am inside
But I know in His eyes, I am a part of, the bigger picture,

There's so much more to me

He helps me see that I have so much to offer

I am His daughter

He loves me the way I am,

He's my strength when I stand

He is my King, and my Father,

I am His daughter.

The people on the TV screen,

The leaders, rulers, and queens

I watch them shape the world,

And though I'm just a girl, I still know for sure,

That I am a part of, the bigger picture

And when I'm feeling small,

And wondering if I'll ever, find courage to stand tall

Through His love I remember

There's so much more to me

He helps me to see that I have so much to offer

I am His daughter

He loves me the way I am

He's my strength when I stand
He is my King, and my Father,
I am His daughter

don't change yourself because of society's warped definition of the word beautiful,
next time you think of beautiful things, don't forget to count yourself.

Operation Beautiful

the one where i just ramble on

i feel the need to write a  post today
im terribly sorry but there is nothing great going on in my life that i have to write about
i could talk about how i hate going to class, doing homework, studying, thinking about studying, writing essays, thinking about writing my essays, and anything else that isn't sleeping, eating, having fun, and/or husker football.
i could write about how after my morning class i have approximately 40 minutes to kill until my next one. most people would like this, and i do. buuuuut my first class is on one side of campus and the only places to "chill" "hang-out" or wait for a class are 1. the student union or 2. the institute building, which are both on the complete opposite side of campus. my second class is smack dab in between the two locations. i'd hate walking back and forth because that takes time and in that 40 minutes id rather being doing something else besides retracing my path. so instead i hide. yup i hide away in a bathroom stall. you may find this odd. and it is. or is it?? i simply walk to the bathroom after class #1 go to the last stall, the handicapped one, and lock that little flimsy lock. (that has came undone a few times which is embarrassing.) i choose the last stall not only because its big and i dont feel suffocated but because when someone walks in to use the bathroom, they always look through those little cracks between the doors to see which ones are taken, we're all guilty of it and sadly sometimes see things we dont care to share with others. but if you take the last stall they almost always find an empty stall before they even reach your side of the bathroom! i truly amaze myself with my thinking. so i sit here do my "business" check my facebook, twitter, email, pinterest, or anything else that i can check, (is it weird that i do this on the toilet? yes? eh, whatever. so im weird) than i casually leave (dont forget to wash your hands you nasties!) as if i was not there for any longer than a minute. I get to class a little early and no one knows the difference!
well my time is up for today. this was fun. let's do it again sometime.

the one where i moved

it's true, i moved. i moved to college. apparently i'm a big girl now and have to go out and get a higher education and what not. juuuust kidding! it's all cool! so, like i've said before I am attending University of Nebraska-Lincoln (woot woot!) you may know us, the sea of red?

ya not gonna lie, it's pretty awesome being apart of that. we're known for our amazing crowd and all our dedicated fans. i love it. so anyway, we, and by we i mean my sister and i, moved in thursday afternoon. so it's about a three hour drive and we both had to bring our cars down, we didn't want to be on the phone the whole time with each other, yet we wanted to talk. soooooooo we brought walkie talkies! you know those things we all used in the 90's and early 2000s haha it was a blast. we just caravanned our way to Lincoln chatting it up through our little walkie talkies! so far it's great here. i love having my own place with sierra, we can be ourselves and not worry about having to impress another roommate or something. we're just on the edge of the city so it's pretty quiet still. we have free time (at least at the moment we do) to go to antique stores and asian markets and other random stuff. i've been driving a lot trying to prepare myself to drive alone in Lincoln, which i am not used to at all! although i'm loving it here so far, it was hard saying goodbye. i know my family will always be there for me, but it's sad knowing that, for now on, it's never gonna be the same as it was. i guess it's all a part of growing up but it's a little frightening as well as exciting. my best friends were hard to say goodbye to. it's gonna be different not being able to see them and laugh and cry and vent or anything else we decide to do...i'm a little worried it'll be hard to make close friendships here, and that's what i want above anything else i think. i'm gonna miss my little cousin, watching here cry as i left and hearing her beg for me to ask my "boss" if i could just not go to college was heartbreaking. i'm gonna miss that old town, being able to see all the stars at night, seeing the fields, watching the windmills, climbing 2 sets of stairs just to get to my room, gonna miss the old familiar faces around my small town. most of all i'll miss the simple things. i'm nervous and scared for what this school year will hold and yet, i'm so excited to start this new chapter in my life!

the one where i ponder about life

A lot has happened lately that has just opened my eyes to how simple and yet fragile this life truly is. Tuesday morning i attended a funeral. A friend's ten year old little brother was killed in a car accident just last week. Although i didn't know this boy well the few times i've been with him he was always giggling and shyly whispering into the ears of his siblings making them laugh. At the funeral I really learned what a great kid he was and how he was always trying to uplift others. I can't even comprehend the strength the family has to be able to go on with a smile on their face and at least know that they will see him again. I have a strong testimony of the Plan of Salvation, but i can't say it really has ever been tested and i hope and pray it doesn't have to be. But really, the only family members i've lost were grandparents and although it's sad, it's life and it makes sense. But to have someone so young that has barely lived? It doesn't seem fair and i think that's truly when someone's faith would be tried. I'm so very blessed to be able to understand and know my Heavenly Father's plan for us. What a comfort it has been, and will be, to be sure of seeing my loved ones again. I can't help but thinking how blessed I am to be so close with my siblings and parents. What a strength they have been in my weakest moments. They are honestly and without a doubt my closest companions and greatest friends. To know they will always stand up for me and be there for me is so gratifying. Life is very delicate and i think it's so important to know what things in life will make you the happiest and the best person you can be. As much as i love sports, materialistic things and such, are they truly what we should focus this life on? This is your life. Do what you love, and do it often. That doesn't mean "YOLO, be crazy have fun, go wild!" it means in the long run, what makes you happy, do that. And if you realize you don't like something...then change it. Make it better because you can and don't be afraid to. You have the ability to do that.If you don't have enough time for the important moments in life then get off the computer, iPod, or phone and change that too. Don't overanalyze life, all emotions are great and every incident will be worth it, even those beautiful disasters and those perfect flaws. it's ok to be lost at times, that's what will help you find yourself. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things. And people, we are and will be united with our differences! And although i've only lived for 18 years, i feel as if i've been blessed to know what, undoubtedly, the greatest things in life really are.

Another Sunday (Monday) Post

The pictures that made me laugh. . .

notice many had to do with calculus. . .

we all know where my mind was this week. 

 

 need this ^

the photos that made me think. . .

(I know technically it's early Monday morning. But can't let traditions fail that easy)

There's a Reason

I've been thinking about the fact; everything happens for a reason. There isn't one thing that isn't supposed to happen. If it happens, it's meant to be and there is a life lesson to learn from it. Every beautiful surprise and spontaneous mess has a purpose.

This reminds me of my very favorite scripture: D&C 122:5-9

Please Read.

My daddy (yes, I still call him daddy <3) showed me this scripture the night after my baptism when I received my very own scriptures. It's been my favorite scripture ever since. =)

No matter how hard is. Life is wonderful.