the one about the trial of their faith

            From the beginning our Father in Heaven has always wanted the very best for His children. He desires for us to grow in character, in testimony, and in faith. He created a marvelous plan that would help each of us do just that. We learn so much from His Great Plan of Happiness, but one of the greatest opportunities and blessings is the chance we have to learn by faith in this life. The struggles of mortality will not be completely overcome without belief in a divine Creator and His ability. Within the book of Alma, in The Book of Mormon, we read, “Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” Many times are faith is strengthened through experiences. Throughout my life I have received witnesses, which enhance my faith. The opposite is also true. Trials will be given to us where we are expected to have faith. If we endure we will receive a witness and a deeper testimony of the principles.

            The strategy of believing and waiting for a witness seems frustrating and in a way is like teasing a pet; seeing something and wanting it but not always getting it just by leaping for it, more is needed. I hate to refer to it as a strategy, but in a way it is, an interesting one at that. Heavenly Father is perfect and has said, “My ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” So we know that His plan is perfect and His way of achieving His purpose is also perfect. Thus, this way of trying us is perfect as well.

            Today we expect to be handed much and work for little. We hope that by putting forth a little work that great and successful things will come because of it. People want what they want when they want it and how they wanted it. Patience and hard work have little to do with anything when it comes to most people getting what they want. Does anything good ever come without hard work though? The Lord knows exactly what is necessary for us to truly be happy. As He said to the Nephites, he says to us, “I will try the faith of my people.” Everything worth anything requires hard work. A testimony of the Gospel and the doctrines are no different. Faith and work go hand in hand when trying to deepen our roots of testimony. We can expect and hope for mountains to climb in order to develop a surety of His gospel.

            Throughout The Book of Mormon examples of this are shown and taught that we may develop further understanding. In Alma chapter thirty-two, the prophet Alma [the younger], teaches the Zoramites about faith. He compares it to a seed that must be planted and nourished in order to grow. This parable describes what we can expect as we do the same in our life. When we believe in a principle it is just a small and simple seed. When we plant it we rely on faith, expecting that it will grow and become mighty with time. As we exert our faith, hoping that it will grow, and our time and work, nourishing it daily that is when the progress occurs. The witness of that faith is not manifested until we actually see a sprout. We have knowledge that His plan is perfect when the tiny seed of faith grows into a tree and produces fruit. Alma tells us, “Your knowledge is perfect in that thing, and your faith is dormant.” The definition of dormant is, alive but not actively growing. So the process of developing that knowledge is the growth and activity of our faith but once we receive a witness our faith is still, until it is exercised in the next trial of our faith. We learn in Alma’s sermon, perhaps the greatest chapter on faith in all of The Book of Mormon, we “shall reap the rewards of [our] faith, and [our] diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit.”

            The stripling warriors’ experience serves as a flawless example of a trial of faith. Towards the end of the book of Alma, war is sweeping across the civilizations. The Anti-Nephi-Lehies, or the people of Ammon, had covenanted with God “that they would not take up their weapons of war against their brethren to shed blood.” With more warriors needed to fight to protect the rights of the church and government, many considered to dismiss their covenant to help. Moroni would not allow such a thing and with that 2,000 of their young sons vowed and covenanted to fight and protect the rights of God. These young men had no experience in war unlike the Lamanites who were raised, at the time, to hate and kill their enemies. “Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death . . . they did not doubt, God would deliver them.” With that faith they went to battle prepared to face even death. To Moroni’s surprise “not one soul of them [had] fallen to the earth.” There are times in my life when I cannot comprehend how I will overcome a trial. If I can apply the same principles and exhort the faith that the 2,000 stripling warriors did, I have the Lord’s promise I can overcome anything He thinks necessary for me to experience. Like them, I can trust the truths I was taught at a young age. Like them, I can hold tight to the covenants that I have made and find strength in them.  Like them, I can overcome both spiritual and physical death through my Savior, Jesus Christ.

            Later in The Book of Mormon another experience is recorded where great faith is required. Samuel the Lamanite had prophesied to the people the birth of their, and our, Savior. He testified of His coming to redeem the world of their sins. He told them of the signs that would surely come to reveal the truthfulness of his message. A day, a night, and a day that appeared to be as one day would be a sign, along with a new star. Five years later, there was “great uproar throughout the land” for the “words of Samuel [were] not fulfilled.” Unbelievers set aside a day to put to death all those who believed in the signs unless they should come to pass. The faithful watched steadfastly for the signs falling to the ground praying for their lives to be spared. The prophet Nephi “cried mightily unto the Lord all that day.” Finally, the voice of the Lord came answering his prayers saying, “Be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given.” Even then though, the believers still had to exercise their faith in the words of the Savior. “At the going down of the sun there was no darkness.” Their witness did finally come, but only after exhorting all their faith and strength. I would hope that I would have the determination to hold onto every ounce of faith as they did. They believed in the promises of ancient and modern prophets whom the Lord had sent. Luckily, I may never have an experience where my faith determines my life, but I will have moments when I question how long is long enough. I’ll have trials where I just am ready to give up at any moment and loose everything that I have stood for. I know that I have temptations where it would be so much easier to just give in than believe and pray for strength to withstand. But as the faithful saints stood steadfastly within their trials I too can hold on awhile longer until the Lord seeeth fit to remove my afflictions.

            Perhaps one of my favorite scriptural examples of someone who received a witness of their faith is the Brother of Jared. As the Brother of Jared prepared his people to cross the ocean in their vessels he faced three different trials. The need for air, the need to steer, and the need to have light. For the first two obstacles the Lord explained what was needed and the provided a way. For the last obstacle the Lord asked the Brother of Jared, “What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?” I’m sure with a lot of thought and consideration, the Brother of Jared presented sixteen stones to the Lord. With all the faith he had, the Brother of Jared asked the Lord to touch them that they may be lit to bring light to each of the barges. Now I’m sure there was a bit of hesitation as he presented his plan to the Lord but because of his faith and knowledge in the Savior, he trusted the Lord would edify his desires. I don’t believe that the Lord touched each one and the showed himself to his servant, but instead that it was a trial of his faith. Hoping, praying, and believing that he would light up the next one and the next one until one by one each were lit and the Savior revealed Himself to him. “Never has man come before me with such exceeding faith as thou hast; for were it not so ye could not have see my finger.” Through this prophet’s diligent work and faith he had knowledge of the Savior’s very own body made of flesh and blood. Only following his trial did he receive that witness and understanding. I may not need to devise a plan to have light but I will face obstacles in my life where I need to know who does provide the light. There are times when I feel lost in the darkness and through my work and faith will I find comfort and safety and knowledge in my Redeemer and Savior, The Light of the World.

           I have never had my family turn against me and seek my life, nor have I ever been asked to leave my home and country. I will never be asked to leave my family and face half a lifetime of abuse while preaching the gospel. My city may never be overtaken and forced to provide for another King. My life may never be threatened unless I deny my faith, nor will I probably have to participate as my entire civilization turned to bloodshed. I recognize how blessed I am and I’m truly grateful for this life that I have. With that, I also know that I will continue to have challenges, temptations, and trials throughout my life that are designed for me. As I follow the example of so many prophets and servants of the Lord from The Book of Mormon, I know that I will have the strength to overcome anything “for [I will] receive not witness until after the trial of [my] faith.” Our Heavenly Father’s plan is perfect and it is through it that we will gain the testimony that is needed to return to His presence.

the one about Safety for the Soul

In the scriptures Christ’s followers are referred to as His covenant people. He has promised to protect and guide them as they strive to live and keep the commandments. In a world where so many people fear what is to come, we have that promise and principle to rely on, that God is at the helm and will take us safely home. He has provided security for our soul and peace as we seek His Gospel.

            In Safety for the Soul, Elder Holland, warns us that even the most sure of foundations will be tested and tried in the last days. It is necessary to be tempted. It is necessary to ask questions. We are not to follow blindly the counsel given, but rather seek for a confirmation from the Spirit of those same truths. The “enemy of truths” will always strive to lead us astray. I believe this is a critical experience. There is something so sacred and so personal to have your most precious truths be questioned and have to find that answer through the Holy Ghost and personal revelation and then be able rebuild and strengthen that foundation.

            Questions are not what bring spiritual destruction. Spiritual destruction is falling away from the principles of the Gospel. Our Father’s plea is to stay for away from destruction. He counsels us to stay close to the truths we know and cherish. We are to have daily communion with Him, to always have His spirit to be with us. Heartbreaking, it must be for the Father to see His imperfect, but loved, children fall or walk away from truths they once knew. Holland compares this to the vision of The Tree of Life. There are those that never even reach the iron rod, or the tree of life and are destroyed. Others are ashamed once they are there and partake and fall away. Lastly, those who follow the iron rod are obedient despite the difficult and treacherous temptation and mist of darkness.

It was interesting to hear that everyone in the vision faced the mist of darkness at some point. Race, wealth, sex, and age are not discriminated. It was not just those who lacked a foundation of testimony. It wasn’t only those who were the strongest or the weakest. In this test of life, everyone will be tempted. The mist befalls everyone because we all need that growth that comes from withstanding burdens and trials if we are to live with God again. The Lord knows are struggles. He knows are weaknesses and strengths. He individually has felt them.

            I love the symbolism we learned of the rod of iron in class. As we hold to the rod we are walking hand in hand with Christ and He leads us to safety and happiness. He is beside us the whole journey through if we choose to just hold on and cling to Him. I can’t help but think of the fear and surely the unknowing that must have accompanied those holding to the rod. The mist of darkness and temptation so thick around them they can’t see, but they trust, and they hold on “tenaciously” to Christ and His word. I have so much respect and admiration for those that suffered the whole way but just hoped and prayed that, “we are almost there” meant the next arms length away. The relief and pure joy that must have been theirs as they finally reach the tree of life and partake of the goodness of God’s undying love. His love is His Son, His love, is His sacrifice. The most precious of all fruits is the gift of the Atonement.

            “Christ is the safe harbor” Holland states within this talk. I don’t think I recognized that phrase as closely as I did this time watching it. In difficult times when we feel we are being tossed and turned and the waves beat upon us, we need to remember where are peace comes from and who we turn to for all things. Christ is our exemplar in every aspect. He is our safety net. He is the protection and the security in the trials of our lives. Everything we do should be to bring us closer to Him.

            We recognize His pivotal and instrumental role in our lives because we have the Book of Mormon. It is what teaches us the importance of the Atonement. Not just the how it was done, where it was done, and what was done; but it teaches and testifies of the necessity of it, how to access the eternal healing, and why His willingness was essential. The Book of Mormon teaches us more about Christ than any other book. Truly, that is why it is the most correct book on the earth. If Christ is our safety, and He surely is, then the Book of Mormon is necessary to find all the peace and happiness that this world has to offer. When we are asked to become perfect in the New Testament surely we would be given more guidance on how that must be. There is more, 531 more pages to direct and teach us to become like our Savior and “be perfected in Him.”

            It is not possible, in the next life, but especially in this one, to obtain the eternal joy that is to be ours without the truths of the Book of Mormon. In these last days we are threatened to deny all faith and hope in humanity. We are God’s children. We will not deny the faith. But we also will not have all that He has to offer without having a spiritual and sacred time to read, ponder, and pray about the ancient text of scripture. It is to be our comfort, our support, and our liahona. We are to cherish and return, not only to the pages of the Book of Mormon, but also the experience itself, when we gained a testimony of its divinity. As we recount those feelings we are reminded how real revelation is and how close He is to and for us.

            The book could not possibly be in the hands of so many without the faithfulness of its humble translator. Joseph Smith is the epitome of diligence and faith in my eyes. “The crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty” Holland once stated, and surely Joseph had nothing but loyalty to His calling and ordination. I don’t believe anyone will ever know and recognize everything that Joseph Smith had to endure to bring forth the dispensation of times. In a letter to his wife, Emma, He once said, “God is my friend. In him I shall find comfort. I have given my life into his hands. I am prepared to go at his call. I desire to be with Christ. I count not my life dear to me, only to do his will.” His loyalty to our Father in Heaven is one of the noblest of acts I can recall.

            Joseph and Hyrum gave their lives as a testimony and witness to all, that they would not deny the sacred book and work, which they were called to do. This stands as evidence to everyone, in any time, that this work is true. Like many prophets from past dispensations, Joseph was asked to seal His testimony with His blood. Thus proving and testifying that He would not ever dismiss His encounter with God and Jesus Christ, reject the Book of Mormon, and His pivotal role in God’s restored Kingdom on the earth again.

            I, like so many, have received answers to my humble, but sincere, prayers to know if the Book of Mormon is true. I’m beyond grateful for Father’s love and mercy to bless us with so much. I’m eternally thankful to have the knowledge of the sanctity of the Gospel as well as the Church. I have never been asked to die for the Gospel, and probably never will. I have, though, been asked to live for it. My hope is to be as loyal to my testimony, my covenants and to God, as Joseph was to the end.

A Crater of the Mind

I stared down at the cement, focusing on the crunching of the fallen leaves in my path. Though it was January, it was another sunny day in Florida; it’s called the sunshine state for a good reason. Yet, there had been everything but sunshine in my soul that week . . . or had it been a month?

            “How are you doing today, Sister?” Sister Kreiberg’s blue eyes were completely focused on me. I turned away to hide my own blue eyes as they began to fill with tears. I blinked to clear my vision and nuzzled my chin into my pea coat. How can it be so sunny and bright, yet so chilly? I thought to myself, Florida isn’t supposed to get chilly.

            “I think it’s pretty much the same as it has been,” I answered honestly. I kept walking but didn’t seem to have an end in mind. Where were we going again? I glanced up, and in that second a vibrant blue house stood amongst a long line of cookie-cutter homes. Normally, this would have brightened my morning, but colors seemed to have drained from my world. I kept placing one foot in front of the other although it was more painful each time.

I felt a gentle touch that brought me back to reality and reminded me that at least I wasn’t physically alone. As I peeked at her hand resting on my arm, I realized that she was right beside me where she had always been, even those moments I didn’t always feel her. She removed her hand and pulled her soft blonde hair into a bun. Only a few weeks before, I had simply known her as the beautiful foreign sister; now she was my companion. She was more than just a companion though, so much more. She was my healer, my comforter, my realist, my confidant, and one of my closest and dearest friends.

            “Let me know if I can do anything to help.”  I knew I wasn’t putting her in the most comfortable situation, but still I tried to show her my gratitude with my eyes. I couldn’t portray any sincere emotion with my face.

Sister Kreiberg stopped and turned as to show me we had arrived at our destination. I followed and prepared myself. You’re doing what you love. Put on a smile, even if you don’t want to right now. He needs to see the joy the gospel brings.

            I knew the Gospel brought me so much happiness. It was one of the very reasons I had decided to serve. Now as one of the leaders in the mission and much more than half way through, I couldn’t understand why I suddenly didn’t feel it. Why I couldn't feel anything. My favorite things in life include smiling, laughing, and missionary work, which were why I loved my mission so much! Which was why I was a good missionary. I was a happy person! What was wrong with me? Who was I now?

            “Our Heavenly Father loves each of us so much. He created this Plan in order for us to grow and learn through the joys and difficulties of mortality” I felt as though my companion was talking more to me than to our new friend whom we were teaching. It was now my turn to testify.

            “I know that this is true. I know that God created this Plan of Happiness for us each to progress, to become like Him, and eventually to return to live with Him. We can promise you, as you listen and act upon this message we share, more joy will come to you than you’ve ever experienced before.” I had meant what I said, and I even put a smile on to try to convince him my statement was true. Following our lesson, we began our journey back to the car, and I couldn’t help but feel hypocritical. I had testified of obtaining pure joy. Yet, that may have been the first time I had smiled since the last lesson we had taught.

            Week after week my world was emotionless and cold. My life suddenly felt like one of those old television shows. Instead of the joyous moments that were shown by a cheerful and bright filter, my life had become the grey filter used to stress the sad and dreary parts. How long would this last? I stared at myself in the rearview mirror, pleading with my reflection, Please, just try to smile . . . even for a moment.  I forced my muscles to draw upward. It was amazing, no one could tell the difference, which says something about my acting I suppose. They were all completely unaware that I felt totally alone.  Mentally, I had fallen into the deepest of holes, and all around me there was only darkness. There seemed to be no escape. I only confided in my companion, my Mission President, and Father in Heaven.

            “President Berry, I’m trying to learn from this trial. How can I overcome something that seems to completely wear on my soul? Everything seems so dark. I can’t describe it any other way. I’m trying to fight all the negativity that enters my mind but the doubts are so strong and controlling. Destructive whispers are so convincing that there are no longer those that love me. I know this is not true. I know that I’m loved by Sister Kreiberg, my family, my Savior, my God, and by you, President. I’m trying to rely on the Savior to bear this burden, but I’ve never had to deal with a trial so mentally challenging and exhausting. I’ve been so blessed; I’ve never had to deal with depression before. How can I turn it over to the Lord?”

            “My dear, Sister Sillivan, know that our Heavenly Father is mindful of you. He loves you immensely and seeks to give you the comfort you desire. The Redeemer of us all is there to redeem you. Remember, the Atonement is for the smallest of sins as well as for the greatest tests; utilize it. Please keep me informed on how you are. If it continues to decline, let’s meet in person. With love, President Berry”

            As I read his reply, I imagined him sitting in his black pinstriped suit at his desk, as he likely had done while writing it. I heard his shaky voice as if he were standing before me in person, and I knew that he was deeply concerned for me. Every week I reported back to President on how I was doing. I lived for his responses each Monday. I needed his confirmation and his counsel. He was my father away from home. He somehow knew my heart and knew exactly what I always needed to hear. I often think back and know that, I served in Florida to specifically be under his direction.

“Sister, I want you to know how much you mean to me. You’re amazing!
Jeg elsker dig.” The note was laid on my desk with a small Danish figurine beside it. I didn’t know Danish, but I knew this phrase.

“Thank you so much, Sister. I love you too.”

Sister Kreiberg was everything I needed as I endured this trial. She was one of the many ways God reminded me He was aware of me and knew my needs. Her gentle reminders of her love, compassion, and affirmation strengthened me and gave me a desire to continue each day.

I couldn’t describe what I was feeling, but that wasn’t always necessary. My Heavenly Father and my Savior understood completely. Every free moment I had was in constant communication through prayer. I valued every second. Seeking to find answers, relief, and freedom. I learned how extremely merciful God is, and I recognized loved ones who walked beside me, even the very Son of God. I began to notice that every day I turned to Them, I felt something.

            The days began to be warmer, and with that warmth also came light to my soul. I began to see colors. Once again, Florida sunsets, took my breath away. I actually noticed the buds on the trees, which would soon turn into my favorite Magnolia blossoms. What seemed to be an eternity had only been nine weeks. There was finally light in this dark crater of my mind. It was hope.

“Sister, how are you doing today?”

“Better.” I smiled . . . almost automatically.

Snow, Trials, and Sunday's picture

On a good note, we had the first snowfall of the year yesterday. The snow was magical. It fell so perfectly and covered the roads, tree tops, houses, and pastures like a thick white blanket. I love freshly fallen snow. It just automatically brings happiness all around. And I love seeing the tree branches white with ice and wind blown snow.

This week has been difficult. As you may see from only two posts. 

I have never felt so lost. I know who and what I need in life. . .the way to get it is the hard part. I know the Lord will bless me and will help me through everything. Only He knows what is in store for me. I will place my trust in him and hopefully I will be strengthened and guided in the right direction.

As for Sunday's picture mass I only have one. This picture has made me think a lot the last few days. I hope it gives you as much counsel as it has given me. 

 edited by me