the one about my little sister

My little sister Shylo is amazing. She may be the exact opposite of me in every way I think, but I learn so much from her! 

Shylo is a passionate person. When she loves someone or something, she loves so fervently. She's a person who knows exactly what she stands for and is firm in every way to it. She's loyal to her beliefs and to her standards. She's not afraid to be different. She's not afraid to stand out and stand up for something. I'm amazed by her strength and devotion to herself. She is so true to her passions, her talents, her knowledge, and her beliefs. I hope to be more like her in that respect someday. I feel so blessed to consider her not only a sister but a best friend. I'm so lucky to have someone by my side who I know can't fake a smile or fake her feelings. It's nice to have someone where I never have to question if they are being sincere or not. With Shylo, you know she is or isn't, there is no in-between. To say I love her is of course an understatement. I wish she knew how much she is idolized. I wish she knew how absolutely incredible she is. I wish she could see how much she is cherished. I hope she feels that same fervent love of so many to her. She is someone who deserves it and so much more. 

the one about my brother

Today we got the first email from Elder Sillivan!!
My little brother is the epitome of a Christlike man; he must have gotten that from my Father, as well as my angel mother. He has become one of my heroes so let me tell you everything he continues to teach me.
He teaches me to be a peacemaker. He learned a long time ago (through being the only boy in-between four sisters) that there are few things actually worth arguing about. He is far more mature than I sometimes give him credit for. He constantly reminds our younger sisters and me the importance of peace, to which, I'm grateful for.
He teaches me to be submissive. He is always willing to serve and do what he is asked by our dear sweet parents. He rarely complains and does as he is told out of respect and duty. Above all, he constantly is seeking to do God's will. I'm absolutely amazed by his devotion to our Father in Heaven.
He teaches me to laugh. He strives to enjoy every moment he's in. He cracks poor jokes and does odd dance moves but is always making those around him smile. If you're lucky enough to be someone he feels comfortable with, you're lucky to know his sense of humor and character.
He teaches me to work. Our parents taught us the value of hard work but no one quite understands it the way Steele does. He recognizes the importance of starting and finishing a project. He knows the work it takes to accomplish anything good and he puts in the time. He works hard and gives his very best at everything he does.
He teaches me to be obedient. He has always known the importance of being obedient to our parents and to Heavenly Father's commandments. He obeys out of love and not out of obligation.
He teaches me to love. Steele has a huge heart. There has always been something deep inside him that puts his loved ones first for everything. His family is his life and he would much rather be with them than anyone else. His focus has always been for his family now and his future family someday. He loves so much and so strong and his love for our Savior and for our God is astounding.
I know I have been blessed with the very best brother I could have ever received. I'm so proud of who he is and for the man that he will continue to become. I'm so thankful for the lessons I learn from him every day and for the example he has always set for me. He will forever be a hero of mine.

the one about the trial of their faith

            From the beginning our Father in Heaven has always wanted the very best for His children. He desires for us to grow in character, in testimony, and in faith. He created a marvelous plan that would help each of us do just that. We learn so much from His Great Plan of Happiness, but one of the greatest opportunities and blessings is the chance we have to learn by faith in this life. The struggles of mortality will not be completely overcome without belief in a divine Creator and His ability. Within the book of Alma, in The Book of Mormon, we read, “Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” Many times are faith is strengthened through experiences. Throughout my life I have received witnesses, which enhance my faith. The opposite is also true. Trials will be given to us where we are expected to have faith. If we endure we will receive a witness and a deeper testimony of the principles.

            The strategy of believing and waiting for a witness seems frustrating and in a way is like teasing a pet; seeing something and wanting it but not always getting it just by leaping for it, more is needed. I hate to refer to it as a strategy, but in a way it is, an interesting one at that. Heavenly Father is perfect and has said, “My ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” So we know that His plan is perfect and His way of achieving His purpose is also perfect. Thus, this way of trying us is perfect as well.

            Today we expect to be handed much and work for little. We hope that by putting forth a little work that great and successful things will come because of it. People want what they want when they want it and how they wanted it. Patience and hard work have little to do with anything when it comes to most people getting what they want. Does anything good ever come without hard work though? The Lord knows exactly what is necessary for us to truly be happy. As He said to the Nephites, he says to us, “I will try the faith of my people.” Everything worth anything requires hard work. A testimony of the Gospel and the doctrines are no different. Faith and work go hand in hand when trying to deepen our roots of testimony. We can expect and hope for mountains to climb in order to develop a surety of His gospel.

            Throughout The Book of Mormon examples of this are shown and taught that we may develop further understanding. In Alma chapter thirty-two, the prophet Alma [the younger], teaches the Zoramites about faith. He compares it to a seed that must be planted and nourished in order to grow. This parable describes what we can expect as we do the same in our life. When we believe in a principle it is just a small and simple seed. When we plant it we rely on faith, expecting that it will grow and become mighty with time. As we exert our faith, hoping that it will grow, and our time and work, nourishing it daily that is when the progress occurs. The witness of that faith is not manifested until we actually see a sprout. We have knowledge that His plan is perfect when the tiny seed of faith grows into a tree and produces fruit. Alma tells us, “Your knowledge is perfect in that thing, and your faith is dormant.” The definition of dormant is, alive but not actively growing. So the process of developing that knowledge is the growth and activity of our faith but once we receive a witness our faith is still, until it is exercised in the next trial of our faith. We learn in Alma’s sermon, perhaps the greatest chapter on faith in all of The Book of Mormon, we “shall reap the rewards of [our] faith, and [our] diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit.”

            The stripling warriors’ experience serves as a flawless example of a trial of faith. Towards the end of the book of Alma, war is sweeping across the civilizations. The Anti-Nephi-Lehies, or the people of Ammon, had covenanted with God “that they would not take up their weapons of war against their brethren to shed blood.” With more warriors needed to fight to protect the rights of the church and government, many considered to dismiss their covenant to help. Moroni would not allow such a thing and with that 2,000 of their young sons vowed and covenanted to fight and protect the rights of God. These young men had no experience in war unlike the Lamanites who were raised, at the time, to hate and kill their enemies. “Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death . . . they did not doubt, God would deliver them.” With that faith they went to battle prepared to face even death. To Moroni’s surprise “not one soul of them [had] fallen to the earth.” There are times in my life when I cannot comprehend how I will overcome a trial. If I can apply the same principles and exhort the faith that the 2,000 stripling warriors did, I have the Lord’s promise I can overcome anything He thinks necessary for me to experience. Like them, I can trust the truths I was taught at a young age. Like them, I can hold tight to the covenants that I have made and find strength in them.  Like them, I can overcome both spiritual and physical death through my Savior, Jesus Christ.

            Later in The Book of Mormon another experience is recorded where great faith is required. Samuel the Lamanite had prophesied to the people the birth of their, and our, Savior. He testified of His coming to redeem the world of their sins. He told them of the signs that would surely come to reveal the truthfulness of his message. A day, a night, and a day that appeared to be as one day would be a sign, along with a new star. Five years later, there was “great uproar throughout the land” for the “words of Samuel [were] not fulfilled.” Unbelievers set aside a day to put to death all those who believed in the signs unless they should come to pass. The faithful watched steadfastly for the signs falling to the ground praying for their lives to be spared. The prophet Nephi “cried mightily unto the Lord all that day.” Finally, the voice of the Lord came answering his prayers saying, “Be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given.” Even then though, the believers still had to exercise their faith in the words of the Savior. “At the going down of the sun there was no darkness.” Their witness did finally come, but only after exhorting all their faith and strength. I would hope that I would have the determination to hold onto every ounce of faith as they did. They believed in the promises of ancient and modern prophets whom the Lord had sent. Luckily, I may never have an experience where my faith determines my life, but I will have moments when I question how long is long enough. I’ll have trials where I just am ready to give up at any moment and loose everything that I have stood for. I know that I have temptations where it would be so much easier to just give in than believe and pray for strength to withstand. But as the faithful saints stood steadfastly within their trials I too can hold on awhile longer until the Lord seeeth fit to remove my afflictions.

            Perhaps one of my favorite scriptural examples of someone who received a witness of their faith is the Brother of Jared. As the Brother of Jared prepared his people to cross the ocean in their vessels he faced three different trials. The need for air, the need to steer, and the need to have light. For the first two obstacles the Lord explained what was needed and the provided a way. For the last obstacle the Lord asked the Brother of Jared, “What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?” I’m sure with a lot of thought and consideration, the Brother of Jared presented sixteen stones to the Lord. With all the faith he had, the Brother of Jared asked the Lord to touch them that they may be lit to bring light to each of the barges. Now I’m sure there was a bit of hesitation as he presented his plan to the Lord but because of his faith and knowledge in the Savior, he trusted the Lord would edify his desires. I don’t believe that the Lord touched each one and the showed himself to his servant, but instead that it was a trial of his faith. Hoping, praying, and believing that he would light up the next one and the next one until one by one each were lit and the Savior revealed Himself to him. “Never has man come before me with such exceeding faith as thou hast; for were it not so ye could not have see my finger.” Through this prophet’s diligent work and faith he had knowledge of the Savior’s very own body made of flesh and blood. Only following his trial did he receive that witness and understanding. I may not need to devise a plan to have light but I will face obstacles in my life where I need to know who does provide the light. There are times when I feel lost in the darkness and through my work and faith will I find comfort and safety and knowledge in my Redeemer and Savior, The Light of the World.

           I have never had my family turn against me and seek my life, nor have I ever been asked to leave my home and country. I will never be asked to leave my family and face half a lifetime of abuse while preaching the gospel. My city may never be overtaken and forced to provide for another King. My life may never be threatened unless I deny my faith, nor will I probably have to participate as my entire civilization turned to bloodshed. I recognize how blessed I am and I’m truly grateful for this life that I have. With that, I also know that I will continue to have challenges, temptations, and trials throughout my life that are designed for me. As I follow the example of so many prophets and servants of the Lord from The Book of Mormon, I know that I will have the strength to overcome anything “for [I will] receive not witness until after the trial of [my] faith.” Our Heavenly Father’s plan is perfect and it is through it that we will gain the testimony that is needed to return to His presence.

the one about the Provo City Center Temple

I'm in awe as I think about the magnificence of the new Provo City Center Temple. There are simply no words to fully describe it's beauty! I consider myself so fortunate and blessed that I live here in Provo the same time as the open house and dedication. Before the fire, the Provo Tabernacle had served as a stake center for many here in Utah Valley. It has a unique history and stands as a reminder of the heritage of the pioneers and the work and faith put into building Zion in Provo. In December 2010 the loved tabernacle caught fire and all but the outer shell was lost. Months later President Monson announced it would be rebuilt with full preservation and restoration to be the 2nd temple in Provo. I never had any attachment to the tabernacle nor did the announcement effect me much until I moved and transferred to BYU. Now, I live within the new Provo City Center Temple district and I am completely in love with it. There once was an article in the Ensign of how the building itself is a parable of our lives. Our Heavenly Father has created us and loves us for who we are but wants us to become perfected. The tabernacle was beautiful and served its purpose well but Heavenly Father had more in store for it. Now being a House of the Lord it can bring many more on both sides of the veil to Christ. Sometimes it feels as though we are being completely burned from the inside out, that we are living in the refiner's fire. In time we will recognize the reasons for our perfect Father's plan and we will know His purposes. We have so much potential and must go through difficult things to reach it but it will always be worth it in the end. For we are sons and daughters of the Most High God.

the one about Safety for the Soul

In the scriptures Christ’s followers are referred to as His covenant people. He has promised to protect and guide them as they strive to live and keep the commandments. In a world where so many people fear what is to come, we have that promise and principle to rely on, that God is at the helm and will take us safely home. He has provided security for our soul and peace as we seek His Gospel.

            In Safety for the Soul, Elder Holland, warns us that even the most sure of foundations will be tested and tried in the last days. It is necessary to be tempted. It is necessary to ask questions. We are not to follow blindly the counsel given, but rather seek for a confirmation from the Spirit of those same truths. The “enemy of truths” will always strive to lead us astray. I believe this is a critical experience. There is something so sacred and so personal to have your most precious truths be questioned and have to find that answer through the Holy Ghost and personal revelation and then be able rebuild and strengthen that foundation.

            Questions are not what bring spiritual destruction. Spiritual destruction is falling away from the principles of the Gospel. Our Father’s plea is to stay for away from destruction. He counsels us to stay close to the truths we know and cherish. We are to have daily communion with Him, to always have His spirit to be with us. Heartbreaking, it must be for the Father to see His imperfect, but loved, children fall or walk away from truths they once knew. Holland compares this to the vision of The Tree of Life. There are those that never even reach the iron rod, or the tree of life and are destroyed. Others are ashamed once they are there and partake and fall away. Lastly, those who follow the iron rod are obedient despite the difficult and treacherous temptation and mist of darkness.

It was interesting to hear that everyone in the vision faced the mist of darkness at some point. Race, wealth, sex, and age are not discriminated. It was not just those who lacked a foundation of testimony. It wasn’t only those who were the strongest or the weakest. In this test of life, everyone will be tempted. The mist befalls everyone because we all need that growth that comes from withstanding burdens and trials if we are to live with God again. The Lord knows are struggles. He knows are weaknesses and strengths. He individually has felt them.

            I love the symbolism we learned of the rod of iron in class. As we hold to the rod we are walking hand in hand with Christ and He leads us to safety and happiness. He is beside us the whole journey through if we choose to just hold on and cling to Him. I can’t help but think of the fear and surely the unknowing that must have accompanied those holding to the rod. The mist of darkness and temptation so thick around them they can’t see, but they trust, and they hold on “tenaciously” to Christ and His word. I have so much respect and admiration for those that suffered the whole way but just hoped and prayed that, “we are almost there” meant the next arms length away. The relief and pure joy that must have been theirs as they finally reach the tree of life and partake of the goodness of God’s undying love. His love is His Son, His love, is His sacrifice. The most precious of all fruits is the gift of the Atonement.

            “Christ is the safe harbor” Holland states within this talk. I don’t think I recognized that phrase as closely as I did this time watching it. In difficult times when we feel we are being tossed and turned and the waves beat upon us, we need to remember where are peace comes from and who we turn to for all things. Christ is our exemplar in every aspect. He is our safety net. He is the protection and the security in the trials of our lives. Everything we do should be to bring us closer to Him.

            We recognize His pivotal and instrumental role in our lives because we have the Book of Mormon. It is what teaches us the importance of the Atonement. Not just the how it was done, where it was done, and what was done; but it teaches and testifies of the necessity of it, how to access the eternal healing, and why His willingness was essential. The Book of Mormon teaches us more about Christ than any other book. Truly, that is why it is the most correct book on the earth. If Christ is our safety, and He surely is, then the Book of Mormon is necessary to find all the peace and happiness that this world has to offer. When we are asked to become perfect in the New Testament surely we would be given more guidance on how that must be. There is more, 531 more pages to direct and teach us to become like our Savior and “be perfected in Him.”

            It is not possible, in the next life, but especially in this one, to obtain the eternal joy that is to be ours without the truths of the Book of Mormon. In these last days we are threatened to deny all faith and hope in humanity. We are God’s children. We will not deny the faith. But we also will not have all that He has to offer without having a spiritual and sacred time to read, ponder, and pray about the ancient text of scripture. It is to be our comfort, our support, and our liahona. We are to cherish and return, not only to the pages of the Book of Mormon, but also the experience itself, when we gained a testimony of its divinity. As we recount those feelings we are reminded how real revelation is and how close He is to and for us.

            The book could not possibly be in the hands of so many without the faithfulness of its humble translator. Joseph Smith is the epitome of diligence and faith in my eyes. “The crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty” Holland once stated, and surely Joseph had nothing but loyalty to His calling and ordination. I don’t believe anyone will ever know and recognize everything that Joseph Smith had to endure to bring forth the dispensation of times. In a letter to his wife, Emma, He once said, “God is my friend. In him I shall find comfort. I have given my life into his hands. I am prepared to go at his call. I desire to be with Christ. I count not my life dear to me, only to do his will.” His loyalty to our Father in Heaven is one of the noblest of acts I can recall.

            Joseph and Hyrum gave their lives as a testimony and witness to all, that they would not deny the sacred book and work, which they were called to do. This stands as evidence to everyone, in any time, that this work is true. Like many prophets from past dispensations, Joseph was asked to seal His testimony with His blood. Thus proving and testifying that He would not ever dismiss His encounter with God and Jesus Christ, reject the Book of Mormon, and His pivotal role in God’s restored Kingdom on the earth again.

            I, like so many, have received answers to my humble, but sincere, prayers to know if the Book of Mormon is true. I’m beyond grateful for Father’s love and mercy to bless us with so much. I’m eternally thankful to have the knowledge of the sanctity of the Gospel as well as the Church. I have never been asked to die for the Gospel, and probably never will. I have, though, been asked to live for it. My hope is to be as loyal to my testimony, my covenants and to God, as Joseph was to the end.

the one about the evidences of The Book of Mormon

The Book of Mormon has been critiqued more than any other book in the world. Those who question the power of the book, look over and past, facts that are proof of its authenticity. The very text of the Book of Mormon manifests that it could not have been written by the uneducated Joseph Smith. The structure, the word use, and the word print are just a few of the evidences that testify that it is the word of God.

The prophets that wrote the Book of Mormon were educated and somewhat biblical scholars. They studied the scriptures and were familiar with the writings and the styles found in the Holy Scriptures. They patterned their own record from that of their favorite authors and prophets. Archeologists have discovered that psalms were one the many forms of poetry, especially in the ancient Near East. Nephi was taught this style of writing and we see it early on in the Book of Mormon. 2 Nephi 4 is probably the most well known psalm found in the Book of Mormon. Following the death of his father, Nephi, expresses his emotions within this form of poetry. “Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.”

            The psalms found in the Book of Mormon are just one structure of writing found. Chiasms within the Book of Mormon are also quite similar to those written in the Old Testament as well. A chiasmus is a form of poetry in which a principle or concept is repeated in reverse order in the same or a modified way. This literary form is Hebrew and emphasizes important ideas within the writing. In Exodus 6:2-8, the principle is taught that God is our Deliverer; this reiteration in the chiasmus is to stress the importance of the message. The famous King Benjamin uses this same style throughout his address. Within his address to his people, found in Mosiah 5:10-12, Benjamin focused on the Savior and His role in our repentance process after sin and transgression. It seems as though the authors from this specific time period recorded in chiasms more often than any other time period. This isn’t simply a skill Joseph Smith could have mastered in less than three months without education past the third grade. It is indeed evidence that the Book of Mormon couldn’t have been written by him.

            The structure isn’t the only thing that is unique about the text. The very choice of words used reveals it came from a world far different than that of the early nineteenth century. According to the Ensign article, “I Have a Question”, three examples of the text differences include construct state of sentences, prepositional phrases over adverbs, and cognate accusative. The construct state is when prepositional genitives are used instead of adjectives and noun phrases. This state is unusual and seems odd to modern day English speakers. The same is with prepositional phrases used to describe the action instead of using an adverb. For example, in Hebrew it is very common to use the phrase “with harshness” instead of using an adverb to describe it as “harshly.” Cognate accusatives are when the direct object is used to describe the verb with the same root word. “Judge righteous judgments.” in Hebrew turns into “judge righteously” in English. These and other examples are what testify to me that if Joseph Smith had written it, it would’ve been written in his own language and not copy after so many others in the different books of the Bible with his lack of knowledge in the subject. His wife Emma once said, he “could neither write nor dictate a coherent and well worded letter, let alone dictate a book like the Book of Mormon. … The larger part of this labor of translation was done in my presence and where I could see and know what was being done. … During no part of it did Joseph Smith have any manuscripts or book of any kind from which to read or dictate except the metallic plates, which I knew he had. If he had had anything of the kind he could not have concealed it from me.” It would have been absolutely impossible for Joseph Smith to do such a thing.

            In my eyes the best piece of evidence of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon is the text itself, which has proven to be written by many different authors. Similar to a fingerprint, each prophet and apostle has a different personal touch to their words and their records. By this, scientists and statisticians have been able to prove that a different person wrote each book. "Utilizing a computer to identify 'wordprints' or word use patterns that scientifically differentiate between individual writing styles, researchers have uncovered what they claim is conclusive evidence that the Book of Mormon is the work of many authors." Dr. Alvin C. Rencher, a professor of statistics at Brigham Young University once said.
          As I read the Book of Mormon I notice the differences of writing, ever so slightly at times, between each prophet or record holder.  I love being able to be touched by so many people’s actions as I read their exact words. It becomes so much more important to me to know each author individually, and to form of a relationship with them and their work. The evidence within the Book of Mormon’s text is plenty proof enough to touch and soften anyone’s heart, including my own. The unique imitation of the Old Testament writing style, the very usage of words and phrasing, and the knowledge that science has proven about multiple authors are all just a few of the proofs that God has given to us to know the truthfulness of His scripture. He has given us the Book of Mormon to guide and direct our lives and I know He will continue to do so, especially when we may find ourselves in a situation where witnesses are needed to stabilize our foundation. “The Church is true, the Book is blue.” This clever phrase that lives within our Mormon culture is perfectly accurate. The Book of Mormon is the word of God and there are many signs and evidences that prove of its authenticity.

the one about ASL

I have always been so fascinated with American Sign Language. When my mother was in Young Womens she was asked by her Bishop to learn ASL in order to help a family who had a younger girl that was deaf. My mother as well as my aunt did so and became good friends with this girl. Growing up I would sometimes see my aunt and my mom signing back and forth short little conversations that they didn't want the children to hear of. My mom did teach us some vocabulary but never enough to carry out a conversation. On my mission one of my dearest companions wad hard of hearing. Sister Pierce's parents were both deaf and ASL was her first language. She taught me a lot as we studied and helped me be able to communicate with a sister we were meeting with. This less active was so sweet and loved us so much! Sister Pierce was such a blessing to the area because we could finally teach this lady and she could finally come to church and understand what was being said. I finally was able to sign a little, enough to bear my testimony and say a prayer. After leaving that area I forgot a lot of what was taught but still was able to contact some people who were deaf and it was such a neat experience. Now I take classes in ASL and I love it. I'm so thankful I have the chance to learn and really grow in it! It makes me thrilled to finally be able to understand and communicate through American Sign Language, it's a life goal finally being pursued.

A Crater of the Mind

I stared down at the cement, focusing on the crunching of the fallen leaves in my path. Though it was January, it was another sunny day in Florida; it’s called the sunshine state for a good reason. Yet, there had been everything but sunshine in my soul that week . . . or had it been a month?

            “How are you doing today, Sister?” Sister Kreiberg’s blue eyes were completely focused on me. I turned away to hide my own blue eyes as they began to fill with tears. I blinked to clear my vision and nuzzled my chin into my pea coat. How can it be so sunny and bright, yet so chilly? I thought to myself, Florida isn’t supposed to get chilly.

            “I think it’s pretty much the same as it has been,” I answered honestly. I kept walking but didn’t seem to have an end in mind. Where were we going again? I glanced up, and in that second a vibrant blue house stood amongst a long line of cookie-cutter homes. Normally, this would have brightened my morning, but colors seemed to have drained from my world. I kept placing one foot in front of the other although it was more painful each time.

I felt a gentle touch that brought me back to reality and reminded me that at least I wasn’t physically alone. As I peeked at her hand resting on my arm, I realized that she was right beside me where she had always been, even those moments I didn’t always feel her. She removed her hand and pulled her soft blonde hair into a bun. Only a few weeks before, I had simply known her as the beautiful foreign sister; now she was my companion. She was more than just a companion though, so much more. She was my healer, my comforter, my realist, my confidant, and one of my closest and dearest friends.

            “Let me know if I can do anything to help.”  I knew I wasn’t putting her in the most comfortable situation, but still I tried to show her my gratitude with my eyes. I couldn’t portray any sincere emotion with my face.

Sister Kreiberg stopped and turned as to show me we had arrived at our destination. I followed and prepared myself. You’re doing what you love. Put on a smile, even if you don’t want to right now. He needs to see the joy the gospel brings.

            I knew the Gospel brought me so much happiness. It was one of the very reasons I had decided to serve. Now as one of the leaders in the mission and much more than half way through, I couldn’t understand why I suddenly didn’t feel it. Why I couldn't feel anything. My favorite things in life include smiling, laughing, and missionary work, which were why I loved my mission so much! Which was why I was a good missionary. I was a happy person! What was wrong with me? Who was I now?

            “Our Heavenly Father loves each of us so much. He created this Plan in order for us to grow and learn through the joys and difficulties of mortality” I felt as though my companion was talking more to me than to our new friend whom we were teaching. It was now my turn to testify.

            “I know that this is true. I know that God created this Plan of Happiness for us each to progress, to become like Him, and eventually to return to live with Him. We can promise you, as you listen and act upon this message we share, more joy will come to you than you’ve ever experienced before.” I had meant what I said, and I even put a smile on to try to convince him my statement was true. Following our lesson, we began our journey back to the car, and I couldn’t help but feel hypocritical. I had testified of obtaining pure joy. Yet, that may have been the first time I had smiled since the last lesson we had taught.

            Week after week my world was emotionless and cold. My life suddenly felt like one of those old television shows. Instead of the joyous moments that were shown by a cheerful and bright filter, my life had become the grey filter used to stress the sad and dreary parts. How long would this last? I stared at myself in the rearview mirror, pleading with my reflection, Please, just try to smile . . . even for a moment.  I forced my muscles to draw upward. It was amazing, no one could tell the difference, which says something about my acting I suppose. They were all completely unaware that I felt totally alone.  Mentally, I had fallen into the deepest of holes, and all around me there was only darkness. There seemed to be no escape. I only confided in my companion, my Mission President, and Father in Heaven.

            “President Berry, I’m trying to learn from this trial. How can I overcome something that seems to completely wear on my soul? Everything seems so dark. I can’t describe it any other way. I’m trying to fight all the negativity that enters my mind but the doubts are so strong and controlling. Destructive whispers are so convincing that there are no longer those that love me. I know this is not true. I know that I’m loved by Sister Kreiberg, my family, my Savior, my God, and by you, President. I’m trying to rely on the Savior to bear this burden, but I’ve never had to deal with a trial so mentally challenging and exhausting. I’ve been so blessed; I’ve never had to deal with depression before. How can I turn it over to the Lord?”

            “My dear, Sister Sillivan, know that our Heavenly Father is mindful of you. He loves you immensely and seeks to give you the comfort you desire. The Redeemer of us all is there to redeem you. Remember, the Atonement is for the smallest of sins as well as for the greatest tests; utilize it. Please keep me informed on how you are. If it continues to decline, let’s meet in person. With love, President Berry”

            As I read his reply, I imagined him sitting in his black pinstriped suit at his desk, as he likely had done while writing it. I heard his shaky voice as if he were standing before me in person, and I knew that he was deeply concerned for me. Every week I reported back to President on how I was doing. I lived for his responses each Monday. I needed his confirmation and his counsel. He was my father away from home. He somehow knew my heart and knew exactly what I always needed to hear. I often think back and know that, I served in Florida to specifically be under his direction.

“Sister, I want you to know how much you mean to me. You’re amazing!
Jeg elsker dig.” The note was laid on my desk with a small Danish figurine beside it. I didn’t know Danish, but I knew this phrase.

“Thank you so much, Sister. I love you too.”

Sister Kreiberg was everything I needed as I endured this trial. She was one of the many ways God reminded me He was aware of me and knew my needs. Her gentle reminders of her love, compassion, and affirmation strengthened me and gave me a desire to continue each day.

I couldn’t describe what I was feeling, but that wasn’t always necessary. My Heavenly Father and my Savior understood completely. Every free moment I had was in constant communication through prayer. I valued every second. Seeking to find answers, relief, and freedom. I learned how extremely merciful God is, and I recognized loved ones who walked beside me, even the very Son of God. I began to notice that every day I turned to Them, I felt something.

            The days began to be warmer, and with that warmth also came light to my soul. I began to see colors. Once again, Florida sunsets, took my breath away. I actually noticed the buds on the trees, which would soon turn into my favorite Magnolia blossoms. What seemed to be an eternity had only been nine weeks. There was finally light in this dark crater of my mind. It was hope.

“Sister, how are you doing today?”

“Better.” I smiled . . . almost automatically.

the one about the Sabbath

I'll be honest, when I was younger the Sabbath meant I could catch up on homework, take a nap, and watch movies, all without having to feel guilty about it. Yes, my parents taught me there were a lot of options for our Sabbath day observance, but I always chose the easy and lazy ones. As I have made personal decisions to realign my will, and my day, with those that the Savior teaches, I have seen such a change in my life.
"And he said unto them, The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath." Mark 2:27 As I read that scripture I can only see God's mercy and compassion on us. He knew exactly how we would live our lives, especially in today's society. He understands and recognizes we have so much going on. We burden ourselves with to do lists and think we have to be doing something at every moment. He blessed us with one day that we could "rest from our labors." And on top of that, He gave us a commandment to honor that day! He wants us to take a break from the things we do every single day, as well as the stress that comes with it. When we take a break from work (or making others work), from school, and our to do lists; it is to help us draw closer to Him.
"...Verily my sabbaths ye shall keep: for it is a sign between me and you..." Exodus 31:13 Our actions on the Sabbath are signs unto God of how we are willing to use the blessings He offers us. A few years ago I committed to no longer do homework on Sunday. Of course, there is no text or rule that says we cannot, it was a personal choice. To me, it wasn't the sign I wanted to give Him. I noticed such a difference that it made on my Sundays. I wasn't suddenly burdened thinking, "Oh I have to do this assignment before tomorrow." My Sundays were filled with the Spirit, which strengthened me throughout the week. Not to mention, I performed and felt better about my classes and my homework.
Recently, I have made other alterations on my Sabbath day observances and cannot believe how real the commandment and the blessings are! Simple changes like choosing to do family history, baking for friends, or visiting nursing homes have made Sundays so special and much more enjoyable, because they are now sacred.
Most importantly though, the Sabbath is His day for us to specifically remember His Son. As we enter the dedicated chapels all around the world, we prepare for the most important 15 minutes of our entire 168 hour week. The sacrament is one of our Heavenly Father's greatest gifts to us. It is there, that we contemplate our week and set goals to become better. It is there, that we partake of the bread and water which renew our covenants with Him. It is during those 15 minutes when we hear what must be the sweetest of prayers to remind us of our commitments to the Father, the love of our Savior, and the gift of the Spirit to be with us always. How significant those moments are that we let pass by without even a thought at times. Each sacrament meeting has become so important to me with these precious reminders of how loved I am, how loved we all are. Nothing has affected me more each week than having time to specifically ponder Jesus Christ's Atonement.
I am eternally grateful that Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves. He knew that I needed a day to come closer to Him, to serve, to study, and to be touched by the Spirit. It is a renovation on my soul and prepares me to face my week with hope as well as a positive outlook. Our living Prophets and Apostles are inspired. We all can improve our Sabbath day observances. I'm thankful we have their counsel and their direction from the Lord, I doubt I would've ever identified it as an area to improve on. Their examples and their words inspire me to do more, to be better, and to try harder. Heavenly Father deserves our effort and our willingness to obey all of His commandments. I hope we each can do our part to give Him back His day and to make the Sabbath a delight.

the one about the stories that bind us

An important principle in my home was to always remember our name. As I think about that now I'm touched by how my parents showed their love and taught my siblings and I. My dad would remind us our last name was our heritage and a part of us. Our actions spoke for who we were and who our ancestors were. We were to always live worthy of that last name. As I think about it now I'm sure my dad meant more than just our family name. We are disciples of Christ, and as such, should always live worthy of His name as well. At baptism we covenanted to take upon us His name (Mosiah 18) with that, we covenanted to always remember Him. Our actions spoke not only of our family but also of our dear Savior. How would I reflect Him this day? Having that as one of our family themes made it easier to make choices and overcome challenges because I knew to whom I belong to, my earthly family as well as my Heavenly one.
In a research done and summarized in an article in the New York Times, called Stories That Bind Us, the study discussed how children who knew more about their family and who had a family theme of some sort performed better through difficulties and astronomical troubles. Perhaps, one of the greatest gifts we can give our families is the knowledge of unity. Through whatever may come, we are not alone. I recognize how pivotal those educational moments with my family were. We always gathered together around the table and discussed our days. We were taught how to handle adversities. We discussed important topics that I'm sure were not fun to bring up, but were necessary to learn. I'm grateful for loving parents who tried again and again to help my siblings and I know that despite any actions we would still belong to our family and to Heavenly Father's. We were to do our very best and remember who we were. I hope to be that kind of teacher to my children someday as well.

the one about my Grandma Gloria

I was only six years old when Grandma Gloria passed away, but her legacy continues to inspire me. Some of my fondest memories are walking hand in hand with my older sister to her house after school. We would climb the counter to peek into the candy cabinet and await the poached eggs with milk that would surely be our dinner. Her tiger lamp, famous spiral iron staircase, and the enchanting carousel horse are just the possessions that made grandma so unique to my cousins and me. Now I recognize the pivotal example she was to so many through her instant and permanent testimony of the Book of Mormon.

Gloria was born in a small town in central Nebraska in the year of 1928. She was an only child for most of her life. Her parents adopted her brother and sister after she was an adult. Her place of education was a one-room, country schoolhouse outside the town of Burwell. Her family was taught in the ways of the Methodist faith, but rarely attended.

 Annually, the quaint little school would bring in Catholic Nuns for a week to teach the students stories from the Bible. For days, they would read and discuss the lessons learned from Noah, Moses, David, and other prophets and people in the Old and New Testament. At the end of the week, they were each asked to stand in front of the class and recount their favorite story. At the age of seven, my grandma stood and shared her favorite story, “…when God lit the stones so the men could see in the boats.”  The teachers were puzzled. “Gloria, that’s a nice story but it is not one of the Bible stories.” With the closest LDS chapel and, likely, the closest Book of Mormon (what is the Book of Mormon? read here) as well, hundreds of miles away, her mother, the teachers, as well as herself, had no idea how she had heard this story. When asked, she had responded, “I don't know how I know it, but I know it’s true.” They asked every minister they came in contact with about the story but no one seemed to have ever heard such a tale. Gloria never forgot.

As years passed, that experience was always in the back of Gloria’s mind. But soon she met Norman Sillivan, the love of her life, and they were married in January of 1947. They had four children and adopted four, as well. Gloria and Norman raised their kids with the values of hard work, faith, and determination. They were also members of the Methodist church, although they didn’t attend but for special occasions. Still, they were known for their honesty, loyalty, values, and hard work.

In the summer of 1972, my grandparents decided to take the three kids that were still left at home on a trip to California to visit family. As fortune would have it, Salt Lake City was where they spent the night after a long day’s drive. After recognizing the tourist options within the city, they decided to at least walk around Temple Square. Not surprisingly, they were handed many brochures, as well as a Book of Mormon. After their planned 15-minute walk turned into three hours, they headed on their way.

As they drove, grandma read bits and pieces of her new literature out loud to her family.  They soon returned home and the book was placed on the shelf. Years passed and it collected dust. Finally, in the year of 1975, my grandma picked up the Book of Mormon once again. In the little village of Arcadia, Nebraska, Mormonism was hardly heard of.  And the few people, who had heard of it, knew very little about it. This included my grandma, other than the few hours spent in Salt Lake City.

My dad, the youngest of the eight children, only knows the story through his eyes. He was playing pool with his father in the basement of their little farmhouse. Suddenly, they heard a scream, along with tears, coming from just up the stairs. Upon reaching the top, they found Gloria sitting with the Book of Mormon in hand. With happiness and what must have also been shock and confusion, she shouted “I found my story!” Sure enough, out of curiosity, she had taken the book from the shelf and began reading where she had left off: Ether 3.

She was hungry for more; more knowledge about this book. She had so many questions. She did know one thing though, the story she had known all those years before as a small child, really did happen. Gloria wrote Church headquarters in Salt Lake City, asking for additional information about the church and the message of this Book of Mormon. For three years she waited, until one day two elders, missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, walked into her local business asking for a Gloria Sillivan.  She recognized who they must be immediately and responded, “What took you so long?”

Norman, Gloria, and the two youngest of the family, my aunt and my father, began meeting with these Mormon missionaries. The elders came, from the closest branch 100 miles away, to teach the family. Within just a few short months, the four were baptized on October 11, 1978 in the Middle Loup River. The recent converts were not always fortunate enough to make the drive to a newly formed branch only 70 miles away every Sunday. But members came for visits to strengthen and support their family.  Meetings were held in their home and as their testimonies increased, so did their church attendance. For years they continued to drive 140 miles round trip each Sunday and Wednesday as new callings came.

Now, 37 years later, I see the influence my courageous grandmother had on so many. Her leading example has brought dozens to the truth and to the knowledge of the gospel. She testified through the power of the Holy Ghost to all those who questioned and doubted her faith. The first daughter to be baptized brought her husband into the church and my father married a young lady from their first branch. Eventually, the church grew in our remote area and my dad was asked to help form a branch closer to home, this time only 30 miles away. The Broken Bow Branch was created in 1992.  My father was called as the first Branch President, fulfilling a statement from one of the missionaries that baptized them: “Someday this area will see a President Sillivan.”

On October 11, 2012, exactly 34 years from the day of her own baptism, two more of Gloria’s daughters were baptized. The gospel, and her example, continues to bless many of her grandchildren and great grandchildren to this day.

My grandma’s role in building the church in central Nebraska has been pivotal. My grandma’s role in building my family’s testimony has been without measure. Her unshakeable testimony of the gospel has taught me patience in learning, faith in God, and to believe that good things come to those who seek after truth. Her faith in a simple book, and even more so, within a short story, has testified to me that miracles do still occur. In Mormon 9:19 it says, “And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.”

Heavenly Father is aware of every individual. He knows their needs, their desires, and their heartaches and will always send assistance. He sent aid to my grandmother exactly when she needed it, to eventually bring her the eternal truths that would not only bless her life, but her family’s life for generations to come on both sides of the veil.

Although my testimony may have first started on the foundation of my parents, I too, now know firmly that my Heavenly Father lives and truly did send Jesus Christ to be the Savior of the World. The Book of Mormon will bring any honest seeker to truth and happiness. All the blessings He has in store for us in this life come through faithfulness to His commandments. I am so thankful for my testimony and the witness of my grandma, Gloria Sillivan. 

mormon.org

lds.org

the one about the power of the priesthood

I cannot put into words how entirely grateful I am to have our Heavenly Father's priesthood on the earth today, but more importantly be able to utilize it. The priesthood is the authority to act in God's name. The same priesthood authority that existed in the original church established by Jesus Christ exists in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints today. The Church is directed and led through this authority.
I had an amazing experience the other day, which once again has strengthened my testimony. I have been joining the missionaries on team-ups to help prepare me for my own mission. This particular night we were teaching [this amazing girl who i just love] about the priesthood. After our lesson, one of the Elders asked me when I had received a blessing last. I told him it was probably around the time I received my mission call. He then asked if I would like one then. Now, I must say I have never been afraid to ask for blessings, but I honestly didn't think I needed one. I simply thought he wanted to show our friend the power of the priesthood, which I thought was a little improper, but I agreed to have one anyway. I can honestly say I've learned so many things by that one blessing. First off, I did need one. I'm so grateful that this Elder was in tune with the Spirit to know that I was in need of comfort. Second, the Lord will always comfort His children. Third, He knows us individually. He knows our doubts, sorrows, fears, and our deepest secrets. I had just reached my one-month mark until I report to the MTC and so many emotions were filling up inside of me. I was, and am, so excited to serve! But I was also starting to feel very inadequate, I understand "the Lord doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called" but I couldn't help but feel so unprepared to teach His Gospel. I was scared, confident, excited, nervous, hopeful, doubtful and unsure of myself all at the same time. But most of all, I was absolutely terrified of something happening to my family while I was away. I know of people who have had to go through the trial of having a loved one pass away while they were serving, and this was my greatest fear of leaving. Of course I knew this was my calling and I knew I wanted to serve but nonetheless they were present, but I was sure (am sure) every missionary feels similar feelings and so I never once mentioned them to anyone. When this Elder gave me this blessing, he first told me of how proud Heavenly Father was of me and of the decisions I have made thus far. He told me our Father was so excited for me to serve the people in Florida and that He was looking forward to seeing the success I would have and the difference I would make. He said that Heavenly Father wanted me to know that I had been preparing for this my whole life and that I was prepared for it, and that I would be able to teach the lessons with ease and to not doubt my capabilities or myself. And then he said the most amazing thing. He said that I need not worry about my family while being away, because they would be protected and blessed for my decision to serve, that no harm would come to them and that this would strengthen each of them more than I could comprehend and it would be the greatest blessing that has come to our family. Of course I was crying, and couldn't believe our Father in Heaven had answered every single doubt. Who am I to doubt Him or His power? I was able to bear testimony of what had just happened to our friend and afterwards she received a beautiful blessing that also touched her just as strongly. I know that the power of the priesthood is real. Although, he could've felt similar feelings before his own mission, this Elder had no idea about my feelings toward my family at that time. It is only by the power of God that he could've given me the most perfect blessing to reassure me of my calling and His love for each of us. I'm so thankful for this experience I had to solidify my testimony once again on His holy priesthood and on Him.

the one about the temple

Growing up in the church, the temple has always played an important role in my life, but this past Saturday, I was able to learn and appreciate it so much more. I was blessed to be able to receive my own endowments. What a beautiful and amazing experience it was. Never have I appreciated The Atonement so much and never have I been so grateful to be a member of His great Gospel. The temple is such a wonderful place,  and it truly is heaven on earth. 

I can't say I wasn't nervous, I was. I had taken the temple prep class, I had met with my Bishop about it,  I read many many scriptures about temples and their purposes, and honestly, I was as ready as I could've been. When I entered into the temple, all my nerves went away. It was simply beautiful, as always. I know I made covenants with the Lord that day, and I renew those covenants every day now. I can honestly say, my life has changed for eternity, and for the better. The Spirit bore witness, to me personally, of the covenants I made and that they were true, and how grateful I am to have the Spirit as my constant companion to be able to have that assurance. The temple is truly the House of the Lord. I cannot say it was easy to get to the temple, it takes patience, dedication, constant prayer, diligent scripture study and most importantly the Atonement of Jesus Christ, but I can promise, it was is all worth it. The temple is not a "secret" place, it's a sacred place. As members we do not discuss the covenants made in the temple because they are so sacred to us and to our Heavenly Father. Anyone can go to the temple, if they are willing to live their life in accordance to His commandments and principles, it's not for the privileged it's for those striving to be like Him. I'm so overwhelmed with happiness that I can draw nearer to my Lord and Father in His Holy Temple and receive guidance and revelation for myself, but more importantly that I am just one step closer to being able to live and dwell with them again. I love to see the temple, I went inside November 23, 2013. I covenanted with my Father; I promised to obey.

the one all about my mission

Here is my complete account of the thoughts, feelings, revelations, and experiences leading up to what will soon become the most amazing and rewarding experience of my life, my mission. Prepare yourselves for what could, and most likely, will be a very long story (grab a snack if needed). If this bores you, I apologize now. Well I take that back. This narration isn't for your entertainment, but more so that I have it all recorded in one place with all of my thoughts and feelings up to this moment. But if you do enjoy it, great!

Once upon a time (just because all stories start like that), I was fourteen and really wanting my Patriarchal Blessing. For those who are not of my faith reading, you can learn what a Patriarchal Blessing is here and here. But since I know most of you won't (even though you definitely should, it's great!) I'll just say, "Patriarchal blessings include a declaration of a person's lineage in the house of Israel and contain personal counsel from the Lord. As a person studies his or her patriarchal blessing and follows the counsel it contains, it will provide guidance, comfort, and protection." I had been wanting mine for a couple years now, and while the average age of receiving one around, oh probably 16, I felt I was ready for mine. So in January in 2008 I finally met with the Stake Patriarch to receive it.  It was an incredible unexplainable experience, but surprisingly, it mentioned (mentions) my mission. At this time I had never once wanted to serve a mission. I knew it was a worthy cause, and utterly supported and encouraged the young men to serve one, and I hoped my future husband would be a return missionary (although less crucial now, for every member a missionary, right??).  Nevertheless, I had never wanted to, and my family and friends knew that, for I voiced voice my opinion often (it's a work in progress). My friends and family playfully teased me about serving one, although they knew it was not something I wanted. Over the years I remarked that it simply meant I'll serve one with my husband when we're old and retired and all that good stuff (which I still want to do someday!). But in the back of my mind, I knew (or maybe rather, felt) that a mission was somewhere in my future. I can't express how much I really did not want to go on one though. Sister missionaries had to be 21 to serve a full-time mission. As a Mormon girl (or just plain female maybe) I was hoping to be, oh I don't know, madly in love by then. But I also knew I would be in my senior year of college at this age and it would be hard, not to mention a very inconvenient time to pause my life and leave it all for a year and a half. So at 14 you can see why I just set the thought aside thinking I had 7 years to figure it out, well eventually I grew up (sort of, again--it's a work and progress) but at 18 I still thought the same thing, It's 3 years from now, I'll figure it out then. Although I still had no desire at all to serve one I figured, well perhaps 3 years from now I'll feel differently. 

Well In my first semester of college, In October 2012 General Conference, the prophet, Thomas S. Monson (learn/read about him here or if you're into movies learn/watch about him here do it. He's great), made this incredible announcement for our church (read about it here)! The missionary age was lowered for both men and women. Worthy young men could now serve at the age of 18, instead of 19, worthy young women could now serve at the age of 19, instead of 21. Everyone's jaw dropped hearing this, because seriously, it's huge news for us, and it's incredible.  But for me, it just meant this mission I knew I would probably end up going on, was available to me in just 7 months. I kind of had a panic attack sitting there after the announcement. It just finally became real to me, that this was a decision that could now affect me very soon, it wasn't something I could set aside for a couple years and worry about later. 

So I thought about it more and more and prayed to see if it was something I wanted, or rather, needed to do. But I still didn't want to at all. I continued praying, but I felt as though my prayers weren't getting answered. I wanted to know if this was something Heavenly Father wanted for me, if a mission was in store for me. I became frustrated and confused on why I was getting my answer. How was I suppose to make this huge decision if I wasn't getting any revelation on the matter? Was I not praying enough? Was I praying wrong? After having probably one of the most important discussions I have ever had with my (amazing) Bishop I learned that my personal revelation doesn't come as evident as some. It simply was a "this feels good/right"feeling or just the opposite. I wasn't one that could pray on a matter and find an answer in the next chapter of my daily scripture reading. Because I'm unique and Heavenly Father knows me personally, I receive revelation differently than anybody else. It was an important lesson learned and interpreting revelation is something that takes a lot of practice still.

So I didn't finally realize this calling for me just because of that discussion. I simply felt as though I needed change. I didn't know what I was looking for, I didn't know how to find it, I just knew something needed to change. I didn't know if I wanted to transfer to a college with more LDS members nearby or if a mission was what I was looking for. I knew I did not want to serve a mission if I wasn't 100% in love with the idea, and everyone knew I wasn't at all in love with the idea. So I began researching all the colleges with top speech pathology programs and had a larger population of LDS members within the location. I prayed about the colleges and the possibility of transferring, but came to the conclusion it wasn't what I was looking for. So once again I came back to the mission idea. 

At this time my Sierra, my oldest sister, was preparing for her own mission. She was studying a lot for it and was watching videos of missionaries opening their calls and such getting more and more excited for it. I became kind of jealous and finally had a slight desire to go on one just because she was as well (horrible reason, I know). One night Sierra and I were discussing the topic and how difficult the decision was for both of us. I made the comment, "It would be so much easier if we were just expected to go on a mission like the boys, so it doesn't come as such a difficult decision when we get to this age" (or something along that line). Almost as soon as I said it though, I pictured my Patriarchal Blessing and the exact spot, where it mentions my mission, the sentence is phrased "Many great things shall be expected of you--that of going on a mission..."It hit me like never before. This sentence I read so many times, and never once realized what I did at that moment. All those years I tossed it aside, thinking I'll figure it out it years from now, when really I should've been preparing for it all along. 

That was the moment I really knew I needed to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Unfortunately I still didn't have a desire to. But the more and more Sierra prepared for her mission the more accepting I became of the idea of serving one as well. Then Seth returned from his own mission in Argentina. As we all learn sooner or later Heavenly Father's plan isn't always what we expected and Sierra's plans were altered and she was soon called to be a wife (as you can read or re-read here!) and continue to uplift and inspire those around here. We don't always know Heavenly Father's reasoning behind what He does.

"Although you are worthy to serve in this position," He may say, "this is not my calling for you. It is my desire that you lift where you stand." God knows what is best for us. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk Lift Where You Stand)

Luckily, Heavenly Father is aware of my relationship with Sierra and knows how big of an influence she plays in my life. I have a strong belief that He had Sierra prepare for a mission to help prepare her for marriage but also because He knows that She is one of the only people that could've influenced me and changed my outlook on a mission. Because of her efforts and her preparation I finally had the spark of desire to serve one as well. Although I still didn't want to unless I did it whole-heartedly. So i prayed for the desire to serve. It took a lot of time and effort reading my scriptures and spending the time talking to my Heavenly Father, but soon the desire to serve came, and I was looking forward to nothing else.

So I finally decided it was something I wanted to do. I just didn't know when I wanted to go. I had just turned 19 and the fall semester would be starting in 3 months. I now had a new subtopic to pray about. I prayed about leaving right away, but didn't feel comfortable with it. I prayed about leaving at the start of the fall semester or even within this semester, but didn't feel comfortable with it. I was unsure of why I wasn't comfortable with leaving in the near future. Well the answer became clear when Seth and Sierra did become engaged and chose the date for their wedding. Heavenly Father knew I would much rather attend my sister's wedding then leave a couple months earlier. So I finally decided to leave at the start of the spring semester.

I started my paperwork and all the joys that come along with that, some that will not be named and others such as getting my wisdom teeth out, which wasn't pleasant. I can honestly say I have grown more within the last 3-4 months than I ever have in my entire life. I've experienced more of Heavenly Father and my Savior's love for me than I can even comprehend. I've learned and utilized The Atonement more so than ever and am so grateful for all that I am able to become because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice for me (and you!). I've had the most spiritual experiences of my life, some that are too personal to share, that have transformed me. I'm so grateful for these last couple of months and they have been pivotal chapters of my life thus far. 

My papers were finally submitted and I impatiently waited for my call (which entails when and where you will be sent). In that time I was able to listen to General Conference and heard some of the greatest talks! The day my call was assigned I was ecstatic and the following week I expected my mission call each day. Each day I was disappointed. Heavenly Father really wanted to teach my patience, day after day I waited by the mailbox, stalking the mailman, even chasing him down one time, and returning to bed disappointed. What an amazing tender mercy it was to be reading the account of the great missionary Ammon and his encounter with King Lamoni one day while waiting for the mail. I prayed often and was humbled learning His timing is not always what is most convenient for us. After a week and half after my call had been assigned and still not receiving it, Bishop called church headquarters only to hear that they had sent it and it should've gotten there by now, but they would send another. So I accepted the fact that my first letter was lost and another one would reach me within the next week. I had a stressful week and a lot of exams, papers, and homework and didn't bother checking the mail. Then Friday night Sierra wanted to hang out while I was on campus doing homework. When I got to her house to pick her up she had told me to come inside. When I got inside she told me she would be awhile longer so sit down. She wasn't acting odd, as of five minutes ago she was calling questioning what was taking me so longer, and now she wanted me to hang out in her living room and make myself at home (which I always do so it was odd that she told me to). I sat on a blanket that was on the couch, she told me not to be a slob and to move her stuff and not just sit on it. I moved it and my "lost" call had just arrived! As stupid as it sounds I was emotional finally having it. It came exactly 3 weeks since my papers were submitted and exactly 2 since it was assigned (the 25th), also although it was frustrating and felt like forever I was fortunate to get it that soon and exaggerate how long my wait actually was. Although most get it within 2 weeks, some wait months; I'm lucky I didn't have to go through that. 

I had definitely learned to be more patient and waiting another day to go home to be with my family seemed like nothing. Some of my extended family and friends were able to be there, as well as skyping in with my grandpa and aunts out of state. 

I can't write in words the amazing experience it is to open and read a letter from the First Presidency to where you will live and serve for 18 months of your life. (There is more to the letter than this, obviously)

Dear Sister Sillivan:

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Florida Orlando Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months. You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, January 1, 2014.

I know that Florida is where I have been called by the Lord to teach and serve. I know that I will love and cherish the area, friends, and memories. I'm so grateful that I have this opportunity to dedicate my life to my Heavenly Father for 18 months and completely serve him every day. I'm honored to be a representative of Christ and to share His restored Gospel to those living in Florida. I'm so excited to start this journey. I couldn't thank all of those who helped me finally get to this point in my life enough, especially my parents for raising me and teaching me about our Father in Heaven and His son Jesus Christ. I'm blessed that they not only taught me but show me as well by the way they live. I'm so thankful for the faithful stewards in the church that have strengthened me like never before. I'm grateful that I have the Holy Ghost as a constant companion to warn me of pitfalls along this path of life.  I know that Jesus Christ atoned for my sorrows and transgressions, and I couldn't be where I am today without His sacrifice. I love my Heavenly Father and wish I could express it enough. I hope and pray I will be of great use to Him in the mission field. I will serve to the best of my ability and pray that I can touch someone's life. 

"You will come to know that what appears to be a sacrifice, will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make." -Gordon B. Hinckley

the one where i got my wisdom teeth pulled

ya i got my wisdom teeth pulled 2 days ago.

ya know, i didn't think it was gonna be so bad.

i was just like, oh hmm eh mmm err oh well whatevs

then the ol doc was right there preparing me for it and i was all

huffin and puffin, "you're gonna do what?!"

nope. definitely not. 

sorry pal but

unfortunately i didnt have much of a choice

and now 

the one where i tell Sierra and Seth's story

one of the greatest blessings in my life is my incredible sister. i have looked up to, and modeled my life after hers for as long as i can remember. she is humble, intelligent, kind, beautiful, trustworthy, wise, confident, determined, adventurous, compassionate, patient, hard-working, loyal and valiant. she's been so inspiring to so many people, and once again she sets the example of getting married in the beautiful LDS temple in Manti. Seth is an amazing young man that has always loved and protected her. he's determined, loyal, hard-working, anchored, and is always willing to serve the Lord. he'll make a great husband and father and i'm so excited to be able to call him my brother.

and now for the moment you all have been waiting for,

here is their story:

so once upon a time Seth saw Sierra at youth conference
 (a church camp) when he was 14, and he was all like,

and so he was pretty much smitten by her awesomeness. 

so he probably stalked her for the next two years, 

 that part is unclear, but when they were 16 they officially met at youth conference.

Seth was all like,

but Sierra was like,

just kidding! 

so they started talking and he asked her to his junior prom and she accepted.

they had a great time. Seth wanted to date her right then and there, 

but Sierra wanted to make sure he was boyfriend material. 

so she actually rejected him a few times first.

but the next year they went to youth conference again and 

sierra saw that he was very compassionate and that he was kinda a hero at trek.

so she finally realized what a catch he was.

oh silly me, 

Seth is a cowboy.

so then Sierra was all like,

"ask me to be your girlfriend again!"

or something like that.

so he asked and she was like,

and Seth was like, "here comes the smolder."

so they dated for a couple years, and they were a super cute couple.

then Seth prepared to leave for his mission for our church. 

so they had to say goodbye for two years.

once he left, Sierra was devastated for months and months. 

they decided it was best to just move on.

the 2 years soon passed and Seth was coming home.

lucky for her i was there telling her to go meet him.

so she arrived at the church after he had just flown home from Argentina.

and she was all like,

and it was awkward for both of them

and Kaitlyn, (seth's little sister) and i were all like,

so they didn't just fall back into place. 

but Seth felt that he needed to see where things went with her so

he started making an effort again.

and Sierra was like,

and things started working out, especially after we moved 

back home for the summer.

we were able to see the Ramsays once a week.

and things were working out between them,

and Sierra remembered how she had felt when she was with him

but Sierra was planning on going on a mission.

her papers were finished, but Seth wanted her to make sure that

was the correct decision for her, he asked her to pray more whether 

she should go on a mission or get married.

and Sierra was like,

but after praying a lot about the situation, Sierra was amazed at her answer.

she had been reassured that this relationship was something she needed.

they had both had grown so much and were both so in love. 

they both had received answers that this relationship was something Heavenly Father

was pleased with and that they should get married.

so one weekend we were in the Sandhills Seth asked my father permission

to marry my amazing sister, and us siblings sat and watched through the window

of course my dad said yes,

and Chip (seth's dad) was all like,

haha!

so after 4 years, Sierra returned to youth conference as the photographer,

Seth had surprised her at the scene where she first decided he was the one.

he proposed 

and of course she said yes!

i know right?!

so some people were like,

and others like,

but most were like,

and Kaitlyn was like,

and Sierra got home and was like, "im getting married!"

and i was like,

just kidding! i was so happy for her! and i will look like Gus Gus at their wedding.

but i was also like, my best friend/sister/roomie is leaving me.

and i was just like,

 dont worry i'll figure out how to fend for myself.

but really i'm so excited for her and Seth to make this journey together.

But just know,

for you Sierra. I love you and you're my person.

So once again congratulations to the happy couple!

Love you both a ton!