the one about family finance

This semester I'm taking a family finance class. I needed some electives and I hate the idea of wasting my tuition on easy, unimportant classes. I asked around and I had so many people tell me that SFL 260 was a class that changed their life, and so I registered.
Growing up my parents taught me a lot about hard work and earning the things I wanted. I was also very blessed though. I had everything I needed and was lucky to have many of my wants as well. I'm sure they tried, but because of my own carelessness I didn't learn, but the extent of what I remembered was basically don't spend your earnings, put it in the bank. I was involved in every activity our small school had to offer and so working wasn't really an option, there wasn't an hour in the school year that I could've made time for work unless I quit sports teams and fine arts. Each summer I worked for my dad, but due to sports camps and church camps, made little money to spend. What little I had went to savings. So I often found myself completely unaware and lost when people talked about finances, stocks, investments, loans, mortgages, taxes, and related subjects. Luckily, this is everything class is about!
We oftentimes joke with my dad about how lucky he is. He has 4 daughters, all of which hate shopping and spending money. This really has been a blessing for me! I hate spending money and feel guilty every time I swipe my debit card. I guess this is really how I save money.
I've learned a lot though. When I first got to class we focused on much of the discussion on why this was important to the Lord. I'm thankful that we can always find counsel on every subject and that He loves us enough to provide help and guidance, even in somewhat temporal things. I learned this is not just for you but for your eternal family as well. By being able to live within my means and becoming a financial steward, I'll find more peace and more happiness in life.
I struggled before class to really know how to budget. I would guesstimate and nothing really was effective. We discussed budgeting and I learned important categories and steps to make it beneficial. Perhaps one of the greatest lessons that has stuck with me was to "pay the Lord, then pay yourself." I always would pay my tithing and fast offerings first but never put money into savings. Since this class I have opened another account just for savings and have been trying to implement this principle more each month. I was unaware of how important a miscellaneous category was in a budget, I added one and now have a better method of tracking all my expenses.
I learned all about a Net Worth Statement and have challenged myself to keep and update that record each year.
I still may not know everything about finances, nor do I think it'll ever come easy for me to understand about mortgages, investing, and retirement plans, but I have learned little lessons to improve. I'm tried to implement what I have learned and I'm grateful to have a class that can make me a better person. Here's to learning and trying new things.

the one about EFY

I am so beyond grateful for the chance I had this summer to be an EFY counselor. I have never had a more exhausting, exciting, rewarding, entertaining, and spiritual job! I loved every minute of it. From my first week to my fifth, I learned lessons from the classes, leaders, and especially the youth that I couldn't have learned in any other way. Words can't even describe my gratitude. Each Sunday I would be handed a list of 9-15 names of the girls that would be in my group and each Sunday I would almost be in tears. I loved them so much from the start! After meeting the girls on Monday and meeting the rest of my wonderful companies, I always felt an instant connection with all my youth. Each week they impressed me with their testimonies, their consideration, their love, and their actions. They have changed me and have made me a better person. Everything we do at EFY is to help each other strengthen our testimonies and relationships with our Savior Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. We played games, we cheered, we laughed, we sang, we were taught in firesides, lessons, and classes, we cried, and we bore powerful testimonies of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is amazing to see how inspired of a program EFY is and what a difference it makes in these young people's lives. A few of my favorite activities throughout the week included:
Meet Your Counselor: This is the first time I get to meet my girls and I'm always just bursting with excitement so of course this would be my first favorite!
Gospel Study: I love testifying of the blessings from personal study. It is perhaps one of the greatest lessons anyone could learn at EFY, that God answers are questions and can provide revelation and knowledge through taking time to study the scriptures.
Games Night: Although it was a challenge to close my big mouth, I loved prepping for games night because it was amazing seeing how unified it made the companies each week. As they struggled to work together without the counselors help they had to rely on each other. Also games night is just a bunch of games so of course it'll be up there.
Pizza Night: I love pizza night with my girls (sad we don't get one for stay-at-home sessions). It is so fun to get to just talk and get to know the girls on a more personal level and strengthen bonds.
Young Women's Activity: Although I know I'm not qualified to teach the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I loved studying for my girls and focusing on how to help them strengthen their understanding, appreciation, and testimony in and of the Savior. It was always such a powerful experience for me and I'm grateful they trusted me with questions each week. I learned far more from them then I could ever teach!
Testimony Meeting: It's amazing to hear someone who has become so special to you stand and testify of their beliefs. These were sacred moments for me that I will forever remember.
Sharing the Gospel: Because I loved my mission with everything I have, this is one of my favorite moments. We role play gospel related questions in pairs. It made me feel like I was a full-time missionary again!
The EFY Medley: This is always my favorite part to sing with my company each week and look at each of them, with so much love. I cried every time as I thought about the memories we've made throughout the week and how much I'll miss them.
By the end I knew I had gained friends for a lifetime. And although I literally bawled each week saying goodbye, I would do this summer all over again if I could.
To all my youth from Logan2, Logan3, Logan SAH2, Provo10A, and South Jordan SAH, please remember how much you all mean to me. Please remember and apply what the Spirit taught you at EFY 2016. Please know how loved you are by a perfect Father in Heaven. My greatest wish for you all is to cherish and love the Gospel with all your heart. I've said it so many times but it's worth repeating; everything good in my life is because I chose the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is worth it. I cannot wait to hear from each of you and to see how Heavenly Father uses you to bless and strengthen those around you! Love and miss you all so so much!

          

          

            

                  

the one about why I served

Here is just a short little clip for all my wonderful youth at EFY who asked me why I chose to serve a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My number one reason is because I truly felt like it was a divine calling from Heavenly Father. I hadn't always felt like this but it worked up to it. I never ever wanted to serve but with a few personal events and the age change I knew I was suppose to. I prayed but hated the idea of it although I felt the prompting to do it. For months I "wrestled with God" to change my desires and to help me want to serve so that I could follow His will. And you know what? It worked! It was a long and hard process but by the end of it there was nothing that I wanted more than to serve Him. Revelation given to me in my Patriarchal Blessing also helped as it had revealed earlier that I was "expected" to serve. I knew that the Lord wanted me there. I'm so thankful He did. I know I was changed and I am a much better person because of the relationships and experiences I had in Florida. I am so thankful for a perfect Heavenly Father who knows exactly what I need. I know He knows you as well and honestly I would give this advice to everyone,  both girls and boys; prepare for a mission. Boys you are already called for this great work and like me, you are "expected" to serve. Girls prepare as if you were called and then take the time to listen to His voice He will tell you if it is the right thing for you, if it's not don't be sad or embarrassed. He has a great work for each of us in His own way. The blessings belong to all of us who are faithful and who are diligent.
Here is a post all about my experiences and decisions leading up to the mission before I left if you're looking for more! Love you all!
the one all about my mission

the one to finish up my writing class

I'm shocked at how fast this semester went by. I think it may be because I enjoyed all of my classes this semester. For what may have been the first time, I haven't been counting down the days to when classes end. There is usually one class that makes me so excited to be done with the semester. Luckily, it hasn't been like that for me. I've enjoyed my writing class this year. I've learned a lot. Probably my favorite thing it taught me was that my writing matters. It may not matter to many, but when I write it changes me, therefore, it's a big deal to me. I may not be able to express what I really think or how I really feel about some topics but the process of trying to put it into words has transformed me. I have become a different person because of each post or each writing assignment I have created. It becomes a part of me. That is so liberating to me! I may never be a phenomenal writer and that's ok. I write for myself and I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to do so.

the one for the person sitting next to me

So you don't know me. I doubt you'll see me again actually. Unless you become one of those few people I always see on campus, but never talk to, then never know if I should just introduce myself or not because we always run into each other! Anyway this is for you! Don't you feel special? Ha! You'll never know that I wrote a whole post for you. Just so I feel better about myself, let me explain why I'm doing some of the things I'm doing. You'll still probably judge me, because let's face it, you'll never read this. Ok so you're probably wondering why I'm always sitting here chuckling to myself. Well it's usually one of three things. 1. I probably got a text from a friend and it's probably about how my phone is dying and they noticed it on the creepy spin off of Find My Friends app. Or I found a funny meme on Pinterest, perhaps about grumpy cat or just a good pun. I do enjoy a good pun. Or last it might be something on Facebook that I find absolutely ridiculous enough to giggle at, like an Ellen Degeneres or Jimmy Fallon video. So I apologize if my hearty laugh is distracting in any way, but laughing is my favorite past time and it doesn't happen on campus as much so what I'm trying to say is I'm really not that sorry. So noticing that, you've probably also noticed my headphones start in my phone then proceed to move to my computer and back and forth, I don't even know how many times. Hopefully this isn't super annoying to you, I mean I really don't know why it would be, it's such a little thing. With that, I'm not even going to explain myself. Wondering why I get up so much? I have to fill up my water bottle a hundred times in one day, it's insane I know and annoying to me too! Which also means I'll need a bathroom break. Plus I get hungry. So that's probably the wrappers you're hearing as well. It's a Nutty Bar. It's always going to be a Nutty Bar. Literally every time. It's the only snack I get. They are delicious. And I will scarf it down in no time at all. You may notice I leave everything at my study space when I take my breaks. It's because I secretly trust you and it's the unspoken "please puppy-guard my belongings" routine. I mean that's basically friend status for you, random peer. Oh you noticed my homework? Nice. I probably haven't started it to be honest. It's sitting there so I look more productive. I do give it a few glances maybe even a few minutes. Thank you, I too am proud of myself for that. I tend to work better under pressure, so don't worry I'll get it done . . . eventually. I promise I am a good student, although it may not appear so now. Please don't question when I unpack my sweater or jacket from my backpack. Sometimes I run late to class. Ok, most of the time, but I'm rarely late! It's because I'm a great speed walker. Proud? Should be. I'm not sure why though. So when I have to speed walk up that blasted hill I get so sweaty. Therefore I do not need my jacket/sweater . . . but some of these classrooms are freezing! I'm not sure what the purpose of that is, but lucky for me I'm prepared! Look who paid attention at Girls Camp! So I get all cozy and nice. Other times it just makes a nice pillow. Yes that's what I was doing earlier. Napping. Haven't seen that on campus before? . . . Really? Seriously, that's sad, get out more. Everyone does it. One time someone walked in on me sneaking in a nap in the library in one of the study rooms. I scared him so bad when he turned on the lights! Haha! I mean who really expects to see a body lying on the ground when proceeding to go study?? Poor fellow. He was a nice guy though, he even shut the light off and backed out and told me I could finish my nap before he entered. Haha nah, his burst of fear was enough to make me leave for good. Anyway so when you notice my makeshift pillow come out it's because my class got cancelled or I have a half an hour break (which you know, just isn't enough time to really start homework). So if you just kept it down a little that'd be nice, well actually you haven't made a sound for awhile. Hmm . . . well if anyone else gets loud just mention something maybe. Or be that person that Shhs people. It'd be greatly appreciated, plus we're kinda friends. I mean. I did leave my stuff with you like three times already and you didn't steal anything so that's cool of you. I don't usually just start talking to myself so that means I just got a phone call. 90% chance it's my sister so I'll be talking to her about nothing important for awhile. Don't make eye contact with me because I'm not talking to you, I'm trying to funnel my voice to the little white box speaker thing on the headphones. If there is a long pause and you're curious if I hung up . . . I doubt it. Believe me, you'll know. Otherwise it's just moments when we have nothing to talk about but some company is sometimes nice, I mean you didn't think I was this unsocial with everyone did you? I'm a very social person actually. Oh goodness there is so much you don't know! Well, it'll just have to stay that way because the time has come for me to leave. I know you're thinking it's about time and to that I only have to say, rude. I really thought we got close, although this conversation did seem pretty one-sided. Well knowing that I laughed pretty hard writing this you're again questioning what the heck could I possibly be doing. Ha! I bet blogging about you wasn't on the list of hypotheses! Anyway, it's been nice. Dear peer, I hope you accomplish much more without me by your side---until we meet again.

the one about April 6th

My heart is so full on this beautiful day. Elder Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, "Today is April 6th. We know by revelation that today is the actual and accurate date of the Savior's birth. April 6th also is the day on which The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was organized." (see also D&C 20:1) As I sit here pondering each of these events I am filled with complete amazement. How wonderful it is to know with a surety that my Savior did come. That He lived a perfect life. He came in perfect wisdom, leaving the side of God the Father to take mortality upon Himself. He fulfilled the promise He made to satisfy the demands of justice and mercy and to complete the Plan of Salvation. His life is our only perfect example and becoming like Him should be our divine goal; following and learning from that perfect life He gave for us. Doing this will allow us to grow, to change, to progress, and to enter into His presence with the Father again.

"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,

Confused at the grace that so fully He proffers me.

I tremble to know that for me He wad crucified, 

That for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died.

I marvel that He would descend from His throne divine

To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,

That He should extend His great love unto such as I,

Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

I think of His hand pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!

Such mercy, Such love and devotion can I forget?

No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,

Until at the glorified throne I kneel at His feet.

Oh, it is wonderful that He should care for me

Enough to die for me!

Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!"

I Stand All Amazed

I'm not only grateful for my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, but also for His true and living Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I feel as Elder Holland does when he said, "The Gospel of Jesus Christ means everything to me. Everything! Everything I have, everything I cherish, everything that matters to me, beginning with my family, everything I adore, I cherish, and love, and am grateful for, I have because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ." His Church was organized and given to us to be taught that Gospel and to facilitate and help others receive of the blessings within it. I'm grateful for Joseph Smith. For his undying faith and determination to fulfill his role in restoring it on the earth. How blessed I feel to be a part of it. This day brings me so much joy and fills me with so much gratitude! I know He lives and He has given every tool we need to be with Him and our Heavenly Father again, and this is reason to rejoice!

the one about my thoughts on Conference

Every six months I anxiously await the next General Conference. It's funny, to those outside of the Church, 10 hours of sitting and listening to someone else's grandparents talk doesn't seem exciting. Yet, all around the world, millions of people prepare to be taught for hours by the leaders of the Church. This General Conference was spiritually enlightening like the others. Perhaps one of my favorite talks was Elder Hales. He spoke on the Holy Ghost. I appreciated it so much because it is something I've been wanting to work on since I've returned home on my mission. It seemed so much easier to recognize the Spirit then. Elder Hales taught that the third member of the Godhead was a unique and cherished blessing and gift from the Father to be our constant companion. He is an instrument for the Father to communicate His plan to us. This is a special gift and shouldn't be misused. Growing up I heard often the phrase, "Go and pray about it." Which is still a great idea! But what I learned is that our Heavenly Father granted us an opportunity to use another great gift. The gift of agency. Hales said as we take every question we've ever had and expect answers from the Holy Ghost we make the gift and task trivial. As we come to understand the purpose of the Holy Ghost we come to trust the presence and respect His calling. I'm thankful for the gift of the Spirit. I'm excited to apply what I've learned from this Conference, as well as others. I hope I can recognize the Spirit more so I can utilize the blessing it is in my life.

the one about blogging

I began blogging as a junior in high school and since then I have learned so much about myself. Blogging has given me a voice on passionate subjects, has become an extension of my journal, and has taught me who I truly am. I have learned that despite my lack of education in writing, I am a writer. I have learned that my best writing comes from topics that I am passionate about. As I write on subjects that matter to me my voice can be heard and my few words have a say in a pool of opinions. Important experiences and memorable times are also recorded, thus making my blog an extension of my journal. A blog becomes a part of you when special moments are written on its pages. This journal never fades and is never lost. As I have written throughout the years I am able to recognize how I’ve grown. I have learned what I am passionate about and what my hopes and dreams are. As I’ve written I’ve been able to notice flaws and weaknesses that allow me to change and progress. Looking back now, I'm grateful for those few posts each year that have helped me so much.

the one about my person

One of the greatest blessings in my life is my incredible sister, Sierra. I have looked up to, and modeled my life after hers for as long as i can remember. She is humble, intelligent, kind, beautiful, trustworthy, wise, confident, determined, adventurous, compassionate, patient, hard-working, loyal and valiant. She's been so inspiring to so many people but I don't think anyone will ever love her as much as I do. In every way she is my person. She is the one I go to for everything. She is the one I can always count on to laugh at my jokes. She makes me a better person in every way. I will never know what I did to deserve her friendship. I will never be able to explain what she means to me, but luckily I will never have to, she always has been able to interpret my thoughts anyway. 

the one about the youngest

My brother once said, Sequoia was me to the extreme. It's almost flattering having a mini version of yourself. Sequoia is a hoot. I'm cracking up typing this because I'm thinking of the little spaz. Sequoia has taught me a lot about hard work and about love. She is the most willing to put in the work and time into things she loves. She is the first willing to help Dad outside with the chores or farm work. She is the most disciplined with reaching her personal goals. She is the one that challenges herself and pushes herself because she wants to see the results of her work. It's amazing to me how she does that at her age when I would come up with excuses and ways to get out of anything. She loves nature. She loves being outside and spending time with Heavenly Father's creations. She shows her love through her time and touch. If she loves you, you will know because the chances of her climbing all over you will be very high. She thinks its necessary to be right next to you at any given moment just so you know she is present. I love the fact that she loves to show that love (most of the time that is). She's always willing to cuddle, hug, and spend a moment with you. I'm so thankful for her outgoing and sometimes unnecessary energy. I'm grateful to have a younger sister who cares so much to put forth work and to show love. I'm blessed to have her as a best friend. She strengthens and brings something to our family no one else could. She makes life interesting and I wouldn't want it any other way.

the one about growing up in a small town

I will forever be grateful for my childhood and for my very small town of Arcadia. I'm so proud to call it home and everyone knows I'm so proud of the state of Nebraska! It really is "the good life." There were so many blessings from being raised in my village. Here are only a few:

1. I got to participate in almost anything I wanted to
• sports: basketball, volleyball, cheerleading, track, and softball. 
• the arts: theater, band (marching and concert), and speech
• academics: quiz bowl and debate
2. I always felt safe
• i knew everyone in my town and could trust 90% of them. it was a community where we took care of each other
3. I knew everyone
• believe me, growing up with the same 9 kids in your class from preschool to high school graduation, you won't have many things you don't know about them
4. My parents never had to worry 
• they always knew where I was because the closest town was a half an hour away so I was probably in a 6 block radius
5. I learned about hard work
• I had to balance a life of activities, church, and work. life was interesting

I loved the opportunities and lessons I learned from being raised in my little village. I'm grateful for the experiences and memories that I had that were rare for most children growing up. I love being a small town kid and will always be thankful because of it!

the one about transferring to BYU

I have never wanted wanted to go to BYU. I thought it was a great school and was happy it was around, but it never felt like it was the place for me. My senior year I didn't even fill out the application--I just wasn't interested. This was probably unusual for a young LDS girl not wanting to go to BYU to be surrounded by others like her. Being raised with the same 30 members in my little branch my whole life and never having many with my same standards and same beliefs, I was used to standing out. In fact, I almost enjoyed it, not that I got a lot of attention, but I was well-known. It was kind of nice to have an audience that watched me, that knew I was the Mormon girl. I loved being that example, although at times it was difficult to feel my every move was being analyzed, I enjoyed the questions, respect, and understanding of my peers. So many LDS youth go to BYU to finally be in the majority and that's great for them! It just wasn't me. I went to my dream school, The University of Nebraska Lincoln! I loved it at UNL. I loved my major, I loved my friends group, I loved my singles ward, and I loved the school. After two semesters of attending there I began meeting with my Bishop and realized I felt like I was missing something in my life. I didn't know what it was but finally after months of praying about it I knew it was my mission. While on the mission I had planned to go back and finish my undergrad at UNL. I had so many sisters and companions telling me that I should transfer to here or there and my response was always the same, "Nah, I love Lincoln and I'm just not that interested in those schools." For months this happened. One sister finally shot at me saying, "Sister, you have to at least pray about it. What if Heavenly Father's plan for you has changed." It took me by surprise but I considered the idea of it. When I had been out for about a year I began thinking more about goals or plans for when I returned. I prayed that when the time was right I would know what to do. No longer than a week had passed when I woke up in the middle of the night sat up in my bed and had an intense and urgent feeling, "You need to apply to BYU." It was a simple thought but a pressing feeling. With permission from my President I was able to work on my application the next preparation day. I noticed the application was due in a month. That gave me 4 p-days to work on it--I take that back, 3 one of those days was a holiday the office and library would be closed. I did everything in my power to finish and submit it on time. I had to contact UNL and send my transcripts and on the last p-day before it was due I had sent everything off hoping it would arrive on time. I didn't necessarily want to go still but I wanted to follow my prompting. After about a month I heard back and saw that I had been accepted. I wasn't sure what I should do at this point. I continued to pray and just felt at peace that I wouldn't have been given a prompting if I wasn't suppose to follow and act upon it. I registered for classes for the fall and began mentally preparing myself that I would no longer be a cornhusker, but a cougar (let's be honest, I'll always be a cornhusker at heart). At the return home of my mission I had so many willing to help. A companion from Utah helped find me housing and I had so many wonderful people seeing me off as a began another chapter of my life. The first few months here at BYU were different for sure. The atmosphere is totally different than UNL. At first I missed Nebraska so much. I missed the people and the relaxed and slow lifestyle. I felt everyone was so uptight here and in a hurry. I didn't know why I was here besides the fact that it was a part of Heavenly Father's plan. After the first few rough months I began to like it, a lot in fact! I feel so blessed to be here now. I'm grateful for the spiritual prompting I was given. I'm thankful for good religious people to teach me and be a part of my education. I love being able to talk about my faith in different settings and have conversations focused on our beliefs in class. I love saying prayers before football games, classes, lectures, and exams. I thankful for firesides and devotionals throughout the week to increase the spirit on campus and in our lives. I love BYU and will be forever grateful for the opportunity I have now to study on this campus with so many wonderful friends.

the one about my little sister

My little sister Shylo is amazing. She may be the exact opposite of me in every way I think, but I learn so much from her! 

Shylo is a passionate person. When she loves someone or something, she loves so fervently. She's a person who knows exactly what she stands for and is firm in every way to it. She's loyal to her beliefs and to her standards. She's not afraid to be different. She's not afraid to stand out and stand up for something. I'm amazed by her strength and devotion to herself. She is so true to her passions, her talents, her knowledge, and her beliefs. I hope to be more like her in that respect someday. I feel so blessed to consider her not only a sister but a best friend. I'm so lucky to have someone by my side who I know can't fake a smile or fake her feelings. It's nice to have someone where I never have to question if they are being sincere or not. With Shylo, you know she is or isn't, there is no in-between. To say I love her is of course an understatement. I wish she knew how much she is idolized. I wish she knew how absolutely incredible she is. I wish she could see how much she is cherished. I hope she feels that same fervent love of so many to her. She is someone who deserves it and so much more. 

the one about my brother

Today we got the first email from Elder Sillivan!!
My little brother is the epitome of a Christlike man; he must have gotten that from my Father, as well as my angel mother. He has become one of my heroes so let me tell you everything he continues to teach me.
He teaches me to be a peacemaker. He learned a long time ago (through being the only boy in-between four sisters) that there are few things actually worth arguing about. He is far more mature than I sometimes give him credit for. He constantly reminds our younger sisters and me the importance of peace, to which, I'm grateful for.
He teaches me to be submissive. He is always willing to serve and do what he is asked by our dear sweet parents. He rarely complains and does as he is told out of respect and duty. Above all, he constantly is seeking to do God's will. I'm absolutely amazed by his devotion to our Father in Heaven.
He teaches me to laugh. He strives to enjoy every moment he's in. He cracks poor jokes and does odd dance moves but is always making those around him smile. If you're lucky enough to be someone he feels comfortable with, you're lucky to know his sense of humor and character.
He teaches me to work. Our parents taught us the value of hard work but no one quite understands it the way Steele does. He recognizes the importance of starting and finishing a project. He knows the work it takes to accomplish anything good and he puts in the time. He works hard and gives his very best at everything he does.
He teaches me to be obedient. He has always known the importance of being obedient to our parents and to Heavenly Father's commandments. He obeys out of love and not out of obligation.
He teaches me to love. Steele has a huge heart. There has always been something deep inside him that puts his loved ones first for everything. His family is his life and he would much rather be with them than anyone else. His focus has always been for his family now and his future family someday. He loves so much and so strong and his love for our Savior and for our God is astounding.
I know I have been blessed with the very best brother I could have ever received. I'm so proud of who he is and for the man that he will continue to become. I'm so thankful for the lessons I learn from him every day and for the example he has always set for me. He will forever be a hero of mine.

the one about the trial of their faith

            From the beginning our Father in Heaven has always wanted the very best for His children. He desires for us to grow in character, in testimony, and in faith. He created a marvelous plan that would help each of us do just that. We learn so much from His Great Plan of Happiness, but one of the greatest opportunities and blessings is the chance we have to learn by faith in this life. The struggles of mortality will not be completely overcome without belief in a divine Creator and His ability. Within the book of Alma, in The Book of Mormon, we read, “Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” Many times are faith is strengthened through experiences. Throughout my life I have received witnesses, which enhance my faith. The opposite is also true. Trials will be given to us where we are expected to have faith. If we endure we will receive a witness and a deeper testimony of the principles.

            The strategy of believing and waiting for a witness seems frustrating and in a way is like teasing a pet; seeing something and wanting it but not always getting it just by leaping for it, more is needed. I hate to refer to it as a strategy, but in a way it is, an interesting one at that. Heavenly Father is perfect and has said, “My ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” So we know that His plan is perfect and His way of achieving His purpose is also perfect. Thus, this way of trying us is perfect as well.

            Today we expect to be handed much and work for little. We hope that by putting forth a little work that great and successful things will come because of it. People want what they want when they want it and how they wanted it. Patience and hard work have little to do with anything when it comes to most people getting what they want. Does anything good ever come without hard work though? The Lord knows exactly what is necessary for us to truly be happy. As He said to the Nephites, he says to us, “I will try the faith of my people.” Everything worth anything requires hard work. A testimony of the Gospel and the doctrines are no different. Faith and work go hand in hand when trying to deepen our roots of testimony. We can expect and hope for mountains to climb in order to develop a surety of His gospel.

            Throughout The Book of Mormon examples of this are shown and taught that we may develop further understanding. In Alma chapter thirty-two, the prophet Alma [the younger], teaches the Zoramites about faith. He compares it to a seed that must be planted and nourished in order to grow. This parable describes what we can expect as we do the same in our life. When we believe in a principle it is just a small and simple seed. When we plant it we rely on faith, expecting that it will grow and become mighty with time. As we exert our faith, hoping that it will grow, and our time and work, nourishing it daily that is when the progress occurs. The witness of that faith is not manifested until we actually see a sprout. We have knowledge that His plan is perfect when the tiny seed of faith grows into a tree and produces fruit. Alma tells us, “Your knowledge is perfect in that thing, and your faith is dormant.” The definition of dormant is, alive but not actively growing. So the process of developing that knowledge is the growth and activity of our faith but once we receive a witness our faith is still, until it is exercised in the next trial of our faith. We learn in Alma’s sermon, perhaps the greatest chapter on faith in all of The Book of Mormon, we “shall reap the rewards of [our] faith, and [our] diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit.”

            The stripling warriors’ experience serves as a flawless example of a trial of faith. Towards the end of the book of Alma, war is sweeping across the civilizations. The Anti-Nephi-Lehies, or the people of Ammon, had covenanted with God “that they would not take up their weapons of war against their brethren to shed blood.” With more warriors needed to fight to protect the rights of the church and government, many considered to dismiss their covenant to help. Moroni would not allow such a thing and with that 2,000 of their young sons vowed and covenanted to fight and protect the rights of God. These young men had no experience in war unlike the Lamanites who were raised, at the time, to hate and kill their enemies. “Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death . . . they did not doubt, God would deliver them.” With that faith they went to battle prepared to face even death. To Moroni’s surprise “not one soul of them [had] fallen to the earth.” There are times in my life when I cannot comprehend how I will overcome a trial. If I can apply the same principles and exhort the faith that the 2,000 stripling warriors did, I have the Lord’s promise I can overcome anything He thinks necessary for me to experience. Like them, I can trust the truths I was taught at a young age. Like them, I can hold tight to the covenants that I have made and find strength in them.  Like them, I can overcome both spiritual and physical death through my Savior, Jesus Christ.

            Later in The Book of Mormon another experience is recorded where great faith is required. Samuel the Lamanite had prophesied to the people the birth of their, and our, Savior. He testified of His coming to redeem the world of their sins. He told them of the signs that would surely come to reveal the truthfulness of his message. A day, a night, and a day that appeared to be as one day would be a sign, along with a new star. Five years later, there was “great uproar throughout the land” for the “words of Samuel [were] not fulfilled.” Unbelievers set aside a day to put to death all those who believed in the signs unless they should come to pass. The faithful watched steadfastly for the signs falling to the ground praying for their lives to be spared. The prophet Nephi “cried mightily unto the Lord all that day.” Finally, the voice of the Lord came answering his prayers saying, “Be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given.” Even then though, the believers still had to exercise their faith in the words of the Savior. “At the going down of the sun there was no darkness.” Their witness did finally come, but only after exhorting all their faith and strength. I would hope that I would have the determination to hold onto every ounce of faith as they did. They believed in the promises of ancient and modern prophets whom the Lord had sent. Luckily, I may never have an experience where my faith determines my life, but I will have moments when I question how long is long enough. I’ll have trials where I just am ready to give up at any moment and loose everything that I have stood for. I know that I have temptations where it would be so much easier to just give in than believe and pray for strength to withstand. But as the faithful saints stood steadfastly within their trials I too can hold on awhile longer until the Lord seeeth fit to remove my afflictions.

            Perhaps one of my favorite scriptural examples of someone who received a witness of their faith is the Brother of Jared. As the Brother of Jared prepared his people to cross the ocean in their vessels he faced three different trials. The need for air, the need to steer, and the need to have light. For the first two obstacles the Lord explained what was needed and the provided a way. For the last obstacle the Lord asked the Brother of Jared, “What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?” I’m sure with a lot of thought and consideration, the Brother of Jared presented sixteen stones to the Lord. With all the faith he had, the Brother of Jared asked the Lord to touch them that they may be lit to bring light to each of the barges. Now I’m sure there was a bit of hesitation as he presented his plan to the Lord but because of his faith and knowledge in the Savior, he trusted the Lord would edify his desires. I don’t believe that the Lord touched each one and the showed himself to his servant, but instead that it was a trial of his faith. Hoping, praying, and believing that he would light up the next one and the next one until one by one each were lit and the Savior revealed Himself to him. “Never has man come before me with such exceeding faith as thou hast; for were it not so ye could not have see my finger.” Through this prophet’s diligent work and faith he had knowledge of the Savior’s very own body made of flesh and blood. Only following his trial did he receive that witness and understanding. I may not need to devise a plan to have light but I will face obstacles in my life where I need to know who does provide the light. There are times when I feel lost in the darkness and through my work and faith will I find comfort and safety and knowledge in my Redeemer and Savior, The Light of the World.

           I have never had my family turn against me and seek my life, nor have I ever been asked to leave my home and country. I will never be asked to leave my family and face half a lifetime of abuse while preaching the gospel. My city may never be overtaken and forced to provide for another King. My life may never be threatened unless I deny my faith, nor will I probably have to participate as my entire civilization turned to bloodshed. I recognize how blessed I am and I’m truly grateful for this life that I have. With that, I also know that I will continue to have challenges, temptations, and trials throughout my life that are designed for me. As I follow the example of so many prophets and servants of the Lord from The Book of Mormon, I know that I will have the strength to overcome anything “for [I will] receive not witness until after the trial of [my] faith.” Our Heavenly Father’s plan is perfect and it is through it that we will gain the testimony that is needed to return to His presence.

the one about the Provo City Center Temple

I'm in awe as I think about the magnificence of the new Provo City Center Temple. There are simply no words to fully describe it's beauty! I consider myself so fortunate and blessed that I live here in Provo the same time as the open house and dedication. Before the fire, the Provo Tabernacle had served as a stake center for many here in Utah Valley. It has a unique history and stands as a reminder of the heritage of the pioneers and the work and faith put into building Zion in Provo. In December 2010 the loved tabernacle caught fire and all but the outer shell was lost. Months later President Monson announced it would be rebuilt with full preservation and restoration to be the 2nd temple in Provo. I never had any attachment to the tabernacle nor did the announcement effect me much until I moved and transferred to BYU. Now, I live within the new Provo City Center Temple district and I am completely in love with it. There once was an article in the Ensign of how the building itself is a parable of our lives. Our Heavenly Father has created us and loves us for who we are but wants us to become perfected. The tabernacle was beautiful and served its purpose well but Heavenly Father had more in store for it. Now being a House of the Lord it can bring many more on both sides of the veil to Christ. Sometimes it feels as though we are being completely burned from the inside out, that we are living in the refiner's fire. In time we will recognize the reasons for our perfect Father's plan and we will know His purposes. We have so much potential and must go through difficult things to reach it but it will always be worth it in the end. For we are sons and daughters of the Most High God.

the one about Safety for the Soul

In the scriptures Christ’s followers are referred to as His covenant people. He has promised to protect and guide them as they strive to live and keep the commandments. In a world where so many people fear what is to come, we have that promise and principle to rely on, that God is at the helm and will take us safely home. He has provided security for our soul and peace as we seek His Gospel.

            In Safety for the Soul, Elder Holland, warns us that even the most sure of foundations will be tested and tried in the last days. It is necessary to be tempted. It is necessary to ask questions. We are not to follow blindly the counsel given, but rather seek for a confirmation from the Spirit of those same truths. The “enemy of truths” will always strive to lead us astray. I believe this is a critical experience. There is something so sacred and so personal to have your most precious truths be questioned and have to find that answer through the Holy Ghost and personal revelation and then be able rebuild and strengthen that foundation.

            Questions are not what bring spiritual destruction. Spiritual destruction is falling away from the principles of the Gospel. Our Father’s plea is to stay for away from destruction. He counsels us to stay close to the truths we know and cherish. We are to have daily communion with Him, to always have His spirit to be with us. Heartbreaking, it must be for the Father to see His imperfect, but loved, children fall or walk away from truths they once knew. Holland compares this to the vision of The Tree of Life. There are those that never even reach the iron rod, or the tree of life and are destroyed. Others are ashamed once they are there and partake and fall away. Lastly, those who follow the iron rod are obedient despite the difficult and treacherous temptation and mist of darkness.

It was interesting to hear that everyone in the vision faced the mist of darkness at some point. Race, wealth, sex, and age are not discriminated. It was not just those who lacked a foundation of testimony. It wasn’t only those who were the strongest or the weakest. In this test of life, everyone will be tempted. The mist befalls everyone because we all need that growth that comes from withstanding burdens and trials if we are to live with God again. The Lord knows are struggles. He knows are weaknesses and strengths. He individually has felt them.

            I love the symbolism we learned of the rod of iron in class. As we hold to the rod we are walking hand in hand with Christ and He leads us to safety and happiness. He is beside us the whole journey through if we choose to just hold on and cling to Him. I can’t help but think of the fear and surely the unknowing that must have accompanied those holding to the rod. The mist of darkness and temptation so thick around them they can’t see, but they trust, and they hold on “tenaciously” to Christ and His word. I have so much respect and admiration for those that suffered the whole way but just hoped and prayed that, “we are almost there” meant the next arms length away. The relief and pure joy that must have been theirs as they finally reach the tree of life and partake of the goodness of God’s undying love. His love is His Son, His love, is His sacrifice. The most precious of all fruits is the gift of the Atonement.

            “Christ is the safe harbor” Holland states within this talk. I don’t think I recognized that phrase as closely as I did this time watching it. In difficult times when we feel we are being tossed and turned and the waves beat upon us, we need to remember where are peace comes from and who we turn to for all things. Christ is our exemplar in every aspect. He is our safety net. He is the protection and the security in the trials of our lives. Everything we do should be to bring us closer to Him.

            We recognize His pivotal and instrumental role in our lives because we have the Book of Mormon. It is what teaches us the importance of the Atonement. Not just the how it was done, where it was done, and what was done; but it teaches and testifies of the necessity of it, how to access the eternal healing, and why His willingness was essential. The Book of Mormon teaches us more about Christ than any other book. Truly, that is why it is the most correct book on the earth. If Christ is our safety, and He surely is, then the Book of Mormon is necessary to find all the peace and happiness that this world has to offer. When we are asked to become perfect in the New Testament surely we would be given more guidance on how that must be. There is more, 531 more pages to direct and teach us to become like our Savior and “be perfected in Him.”

            It is not possible, in the next life, but especially in this one, to obtain the eternal joy that is to be ours without the truths of the Book of Mormon. In these last days we are threatened to deny all faith and hope in humanity. We are God’s children. We will not deny the faith. But we also will not have all that He has to offer without having a spiritual and sacred time to read, ponder, and pray about the ancient text of scripture. It is to be our comfort, our support, and our liahona. We are to cherish and return, not only to the pages of the Book of Mormon, but also the experience itself, when we gained a testimony of its divinity. As we recount those feelings we are reminded how real revelation is and how close He is to and for us.

            The book could not possibly be in the hands of so many without the faithfulness of its humble translator. Joseph Smith is the epitome of diligence and faith in my eyes. “The crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty” Holland once stated, and surely Joseph had nothing but loyalty to His calling and ordination. I don’t believe anyone will ever know and recognize everything that Joseph Smith had to endure to bring forth the dispensation of times. In a letter to his wife, Emma, He once said, “God is my friend. In him I shall find comfort. I have given my life into his hands. I am prepared to go at his call. I desire to be with Christ. I count not my life dear to me, only to do his will.” His loyalty to our Father in Heaven is one of the noblest of acts I can recall.

            Joseph and Hyrum gave their lives as a testimony and witness to all, that they would not deny the sacred book and work, which they were called to do. This stands as evidence to everyone, in any time, that this work is true. Like many prophets from past dispensations, Joseph was asked to seal His testimony with His blood. Thus proving and testifying that He would not ever dismiss His encounter with God and Jesus Christ, reject the Book of Mormon, and His pivotal role in God’s restored Kingdom on the earth again.

            I, like so many, have received answers to my humble, but sincere, prayers to know if the Book of Mormon is true. I’m beyond grateful for Father’s love and mercy to bless us with so much. I’m eternally thankful to have the knowledge of the sanctity of the Gospel as well as the Church. I have never been asked to die for the Gospel, and probably never will. I have, though, been asked to live for it. My hope is to be as loyal to my testimony, my covenants and to God, as Joseph was to the end.

the one about the evidences of The Book of Mormon

The Book of Mormon has been critiqued more than any other book in the world. Those who question the power of the book, look over and past, facts that are proof of its authenticity. The very text of the Book of Mormon manifests that it could not have been written by the uneducated Joseph Smith. The structure, the word use, and the word print are just a few of the evidences that testify that it is the word of God.

The prophets that wrote the Book of Mormon were educated and somewhat biblical scholars. They studied the scriptures and were familiar with the writings and the styles found in the Holy Scriptures. They patterned their own record from that of their favorite authors and prophets. Archeologists have discovered that psalms were one the many forms of poetry, especially in the ancient Near East. Nephi was taught this style of writing and we see it early on in the Book of Mormon. 2 Nephi 4 is probably the most well known psalm found in the Book of Mormon. Following the death of his father, Nephi, expresses his emotions within this form of poetry. “Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.”

            The psalms found in the Book of Mormon are just one structure of writing found. Chiasms within the Book of Mormon are also quite similar to those written in the Old Testament as well. A chiasmus is a form of poetry in which a principle or concept is repeated in reverse order in the same or a modified way. This literary form is Hebrew and emphasizes important ideas within the writing. In Exodus 6:2-8, the principle is taught that God is our Deliverer; this reiteration in the chiasmus is to stress the importance of the message. The famous King Benjamin uses this same style throughout his address. Within his address to his people, found in Mosiah 5:10-12, Benjamin focused on the Savior and His role in our repentance process after sin and transgression. It seems as though the authors from this specific time period recorded in chiasms more often than any other time period. This isn’t simply a skill Joseph Smith could have mastered in less than three months without education past the third grade. It is indeed evidence that the Book of Mormon couldn’t have been written by him.

            The structure isn’t the only thing that is unique about the text. The very choice of words used reveals it came from a world far different than that of the early nineteenth century. According to the Ensign article, “I Have a Question”, three examples of the text differences include construct state of sentences, prepositional phrases over adverbs, and cognate accusative. The construct state is when prepositional genitives are used instead of adjectives and noun phrases. This state is unusual and seems odd to modern day English speakers. The same is with prepositional phrases used to describe the action instead of using an adverb. For example, in Hebrew it is very common to use the phrase “with harshness” instead of using an adverb to describe it as “harshly.” Cognate accusatives are when the direct object is used to describe the verb with the same root word. “Judge righteous judgments.” in Hebrew turns into “judge righteously” in English. These and other examples are what testify to me that if Joseph Smith had written it, it would’ve been written in his own language and not copy after so many others in the different books of the Bible with his lack of knowledge in the subject. His wife Emma once said, he “could neither write nor dictate a coherent and well worded letter, let alone dictate a book like the Book of Mormon. … The larger part of this labor of translation was done in my presence and where I could see and know what was being done. … During no part of it did Joseph Smith have any manuscripts or book of any kind from which to read or dictate except the metallic plates, which I knew he had. If he had had anything of the kind he could not have concealed it from me.” It would have been absolutely impossible for Joseph Smith to do such a thing.

            In my eyes the best piece of evidence of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon is the text itself, which has proven to be written by many different authors. Similar to a fingerprint, each prophet and apostle has a different personal touch to their words and their records. By this, scientists and statisticians have been able to prove that a different person wrote each book. "Utilizing a computer to identify 'wordprints' or word use patterns that scientifically differentiate between individual writing styles, researchers have uncovered what they claim is conclusive evidence that the Book of Mormon is the work of many authors." Dr. Alvin C. Rencher, a professor of statistics at Brigham Young University once said.
          As I read the Book of Mormon I notice the differences of writing, ever so slightly at times, between each prophet or record holder.  I love being able to be touched by so many people’s actions as I read their exact words. It becomes so much more important to me to know each author individually, and to form of a relationship with them and their work. The evidence within the Book of Mormon’s text is plenty proof enough to touch and soften anyone’s heart, including my own. The unique imitation of the Old Testament writing style, the very usage of words and phrasing, and the knowledge that science has proven about multiple authors are all just a few of the proofs that God has given to us to know the truthfulness of His scripture. He has given us the Book of Mormon to guide and direct our lives and I know He will continue to do so, especially when we may find ourselves in a situation where witnesses are needed to stabilize our foundation. “The Church is true, the Book is blue.” This clever phrase that lives within our Mormon culture is perfectly accurate. The Book of Mormon is the word of God and there are many signs and evidences that prove of its authenticity.

the one about ASL

I have always been so fascinated with American Sign Language. When my mother was in Young Womens she was asked by her Bishop to learn ASL in order to help a family who had a younger girl that was deaf. My mother as well as my aunt did so and became good friends with this girl. Growing up I would sometimes see my aunt and my mom signing back and forth short little conversations that they didn't want the children to hear of. My mom did teach us some vocabulary but never enough to carry out a conversation. On my mission one of my dearest companions wad hard of hearing. Sister Pierce's parents were both deaf and ASL was her first language. She taught me a lot as we studied and helped me be able to communicate with a sister we were meeting with. This less active was so sweet and loved us so much! Sister Pierce was such a blessing to the area because we could finally teach this lady and she could finally come to church and understand what was being said. I finally was able to sign a little, enough to bear my testimony and say a prayer. After leaving that area I forgot a lot of what was taught but still was able to contact some people who were deaf and it was such a neat experience. Now I take classes in ASL and I love it. I'm so thankful I have the chance to learn and really grow in it! It makes me thrilled to finally be able to understand and communicate through American Sign Language, it's a life goal finally being pursued.

A Crater of the Mind

I stared down at the cement, focusing on the crunching of the fallen leaves in my path. Though it was January, it was another sunny day in Florida; it’s called the sunshine state for a good reason. Yet, there had been everything but sunshine in my soul that week . . . or had it been a month?

            “How are you doing today, Sister?” Sister Kreiberg’s blue eyes were completely focused on me. I turned away to hide my own blue eyes as they began to fill with tears. I blinked to clear my vision and nuzzled my chin into my pea coat. How can it be so sunny and bright, yet so chilly? I thought to myself, Florida isn’t supposed to get chilly.

            “I think it’s pretty much the same as it has been,” I answered honestly. I kept walking but didn’t seem to have an end in mind. Where were we going again? I glanced up, and in that second a vibrant blue house stood amongst a long line of cookie-cutter homes. Normally, this would have brightened my morning, but colors seemed to have drained from my world. I kept placing one foot in front of the other although it was more painful each time.

I felt a gentle touch that brought me back to reality and reminded me that at least I wasn’t physically alone. As I peeked at her hand resting on my arm, I realized that she was right beside me where she had always been, even those moments I didn’t always feel her. She removed her hand and pulled her soft blonde hair into a bun. Only a few weeks before, I had simply known her as the beautiful foreign sister; now she was my companion. She was more than just a companion though, so much more. She was my healer, my comforter, my realist, my confidant, and one of my closest and dearest friends.

            “Let me know if I can do anything to help.”  I knew I wasn’t putting her in the most comfortable situation, but still I tried to show her my gratitude with my eyes. I couldn’t portray any sincere emotion with my face.

Sister Kreiberg stopped and turned as to show me we had arrived at our destination. I followed and prepared myself. You’re doing what you love. Put on a smile, even if you don’t want to right now. He needs to see the joy the gospel brings.

            I knew the Gospel brought me so much happiness. It was one of the very reasons I had decided to serve. Now as one of the leaders in the mission and much more than half way through, I couldn’t understand why I suddenly didn’t feel it. Why I couldn't feel anything. My favorite things in life include smiling, laughing, and missionary work, which were why I loved my mission so much! Which was why I was a good missionary. I was a happy person! What was wrong with me? Who was I now?

            “Our Heavenly Father loves each of us so much. He created this Plan in order for us to grow and learn through the joys and difficulties of mortality” I felt as though my companion was talking more to me than to our new friend whom we were teaching. It was now my turn to testify.

            “I know that this is true. I know that God created this Plan of Happiness for us each to progress, to become like Him, and eventually to return to live with Him. We can promise you, as you listen and act upon this message we share, more joy will come to you than you’ve ever experienced before.” I had meant what I said, and I even put a smile on to try to convince him my statement was true. Following our lesson, we began our journey back to the car, and I couldn’t help but feel hypocritical. I had testified of obtaining pure joy. Yet, that may have been the first time I had smiled since the last lesson we had taught.

            Week after week my world was emotionless and cold. My life suddenly felt like one of those old television shows. Instead of the joyous moments that were shown by a cheerful and bright filter, my life had become the grey filter used to stress the sad and dreary parts. How long would this last? I stared at myself in the rearview mirror, pleading with my reflection, Please, just try to smile . . . even for a moment.  I forced my muscles to draw upward. It was amazing, no one could tell the difference, which says something about my acting I suppose. They were all completely unaware that I felt totally alone.  Mentally, I had fallen into the deepest of holes, and all around me there was only darkness. There seemed to be no escape. I only confided in my companion, my Mission President, and Father in Heaven.

            “President Berry, I’m trying to learn from this trial. How can I overcome something that seems to completely wear on my soul? Everything seems so dark. I can’t describe it any other way. I’m trying to fight all the negativity that enters my mind but the doubts are so strong and controlling. Destructive whispers are so convincing that there are no longer those that love me. I know this is not true. I know that I’m loved by Sister Kreiberg, my family, my Savior, my God, and by you, President. I’m trying to rely on the Savior to bear this burden, but I’ve never had to deal with a trial so mentally challenging and exhausting. I’ve been so blessed; I’ve never had to deal with depression before. How can I turn it over to the Lord?”

            “My dear, Sister Sillivan, know that our Heavenly Father is mindful of you. He loves you immensely and seeks to give you the comfort you desire. The Redeemer of us all is there to redeem you. Remember, the Atonement is for the smallest of sins as well as for the greatest tests; utilize it. Please keep me informed on how you are. If it continues to decline, let’s meet in person. With love, President Berry”

            As I read his reply, I imagined him sitting in his black pinstriped suit at his desk, as he likely had done while writing it. I heard his shaky voice as if he were standing before me in person, and I knew that he was deeply concerned for me. Every week I reported back to President on how I was doing. I lived for his responses each Monday. I needed his confirmation and his counsel. He was my father away from home. He somehow knew my heart and knew exactly what I always needed to hear. I often think back and know that, I served in Florida to specifically be under his direction.

“Sister, I want you to know how much you mean to me. You’re amazing!
Jeg elsker dig.” The note was laid on my desk with a small Danish figurine beside it. I didn’t know Danish, but I knew this phrase.

“Thank you so much, Sister. I love you too.”

Sister Kreiberg was everything I needed as I endured this trial. She was one of the many ways God reminded me He was aware of me and knew my needs. Her gentle reminders of her love, compassion, and affirmation strengthened me and gave me a desire to continue each day.

I couldn’t describe what I was feeling, but that wasn’t always necessary. My Heavenly Father and my Savior understood completely. Every free moment I had was in constant communication through prayer. I valued every second. Seeking to find answers, relief, and freedom. I learned how extremely merciful God is, and I recognized loved ones who walked beside me, even the very Son of God. I began to notice that every day I turned to Them, I felt something.

            The days began to be warmer, and with that warmth also came light to my soul. I began to see colors. Once again, Florida sunsets, took my breath away. I actually noticed the buds on the trees, which would soon turn into my favorite Magnolia blossoms. What seemed to be an eternity had only been nine weeks. There was finally light in this dark crater of my mind. It was hope.

“Sister, how are you doing today?”

“Better.” I smiled . . . almost automatically.